What's new with Janey
16 July 2006

Sunshine and Stomach pains…

Portsmouth was lovely, though was awoken at 5am with a phone call because my mental manager accidentally pressed his phone inside his pocket and it called me. I jumped from the hotel bed, banged my already sore feet
into the bottom of the chair in the dark and listened to the inside of his pocket for about 5 minutes before I hung up…
I stumbled back to bed, rubbed the sore toe, dabbed the now bleeding heel and headed for my pillow.

So this morning I got ready and headed on a flight back to Glasgow. Husband was waiting at the airport for me; the house was immaculately clean which made me wonder if he had hired staff in over the weekend.
I sat today and wrote the new bits into my play, tomorrow I rehearse again.

I am also excited that my book is going to paperback- apparently TESCO’s have bought shed-loads (approximately 15,000) copies to sell and more booksellers are ordering as we speak….maybe I may not have to sell Ashley on EBay after all. Who knows, maybe a sarcastic, tall angry sexy girl can fetch a few grand? But I would miss her…so she gets to stay. Though I have prepared an advert for her see how this sounds…

Scottish tall, interesting, educated, dark haired, sexy girl aged 20. Fresh and ripe and ready for all sorts of fun. Cannot cook (unless for herself then it’s gourmet food only), Cannot- sew, nurture babies, cannot-clean, cannot-organise paperwork, cannot-take phone calls, cannot-post letters when required, can never take paper to recycle bin, refuses to wash her own clothes, cant drive, is rude to old people who take too long on staircases, gets angry at tourists, hates people with one eye for no good reason, despite liking pirates, cannot EVER recharge an IPOD, has a desperate aversion to folding or hanging clothes, is allergic to cheap shampoo and conditioner, is unconditionally unbelievably and inexplicably scared of rolled up socks, vomits when she sees hamsters, loves prison and football films, laughs at people who fall off bikes, once shouted down a major politician at aged 14 in Westminster on a school trip, punched a drunk who kicked a homeless man, tries to kill pigeons on a daily basis, is funny at all times EXCEPT in the mornings when she actually physically turns into Rosemary’s Baby and will stab you if you talk to her before midday and is really good at losing her passport.

Mmmmmmm…tempting eh? I don’t think I will have many takers to be honest so the book better sell!

My feet are fucking sore, every pair of summer sandals I have bought have cut my feet like Fu Man Chu on acid, but I discovered you can buy topless sandals from USA, they are just basic sticky soles that you stick to your feet and then wash and they get sticky again, no straps to cut into your flesh…no rubbing blisters as you walk…you can actually buy these, but I cant find a distributor in UK…I want them sandals now! Send them to me!
Am having stomach pains today and feel sore and bloated, I hope that goes away soon, can’t bear the shits.

I am having a week at home to get the shows ready for Edinburgh, and then am off to Barcelona._

1 Response

  1. Pleased to hear the book is being taken up it’s very hard to compete with the celebrity chef culture. But then the media has a (vested) duty to insure we read the same old stuff.