What's new with Janey
15 April 2005

London Calling

As usual, I wake with a start when i have an early flight, nearly screamed then realised that it was only 7am.

We managed to get on an earlier flight because we were so early at the airport, as Ashley was desperate to get there!

Was nice to go that wee bit earlier and we sat beside Sharleen Spiteri from Texas on the flight. Ashley so coveted her Converse boots, as soon we landed she hit town and bought a pair.

The hotel is just amazing its the Atheneum on Piccadilly, lovely big 5 star suite, this book had better sell or I will have Ashley out there as I pimp her to pay the bills! (am Joking I have got it covered, I can hear my husband scream back in Glasgow as I write this, although he doesn’t read this blog, my lovely wee step mum does and she will call him and tell him that-)

a) I have booked a suite

B) I am writing about prostituting his only child

I wish my step mum (whom I love dearly) did not read this, it makes me feel odd, she is such a lady and this is really literary scum as far as she is concerned!

Husband does not it as he does try to not read anything or watch anything I do as he feels he wants to keep out of ‘all that showbiz shit’ as he calls it.

Quite rightly so, its hardly fucking showbiz and it can be shit.

Well, we went up to BAFTA offices to pick up tickets and had drinks in the newly refurbished BAFTA bar, very swish.

I am now excited and we have a party planned for this evening, we are meeting old friends. Ashley has 99 things packed to choose from, whereas my fat ass can only fit into the one pair of jeans (that may be used as a tent at Glastonbury) that my lardy ass can fit into. Lovely!

My boobs have got so big that I may need to order them a bra from Kvarener Tall Ship Makers, as they may be the only people who can handle that amount of fabric and supports.

I have worked out a good diet and read on the plane about a woman who lost SEVEN stone, the plan is…I dont eat till January next year, which is good coz it’s my birthday then.

I have left Ashley in Balans in Old Compton St, a great place to eat and run by gay men. Two things could have happened since I left her 20 minutes ago

1) She has sung some showtunes and has the staff dancing ‘buffalo ball step change’ type moves, as they twirl and side step the customers and ‘ballet’ into the street.

2) They have tossed her onto the street for assuming gay men like showtunes.

Must go.