What's new with Janey
15 April 2005

BBC Radio and backseat booze sellers!

I was shopping today, last minute stuff for tomorrow. I bought a necklace and a wee bag all in a lovely blue colour that I like. I wondered what the hell I am going to wear to the BAFTA’s on Sunday night! I actually have nothing really planned; I have packed two dresses and a couple of tops and skirts.

I met up with Monica’s sister, Mum and her wee niece Gabrielle whom I adore. They are in Glasgow for a couple of days; I bought wee Gabrielle a colouring book, and new pens and a big book. She loved it and wee both sat and drew nice pictures. As I was in Jo Malone (for those who don’t know she makes the best fragrances and candles in the WORLD) Gabrielle skipped into Accessorize and begged for a plastic crown with shiny plastic jewels. Gabrielle came swaning into Jo Malone resplendently adorned complete with sparkly crown. The woman assistant who wrapped my sumptuous body lotion in a gorgeous box, spotted Gabrielle in her crown and smiled and bowed, Gabrielle simply waved her royal hand and smirked at the woman as if to say ” I know you are jealous of my shiny crown, but deal with it lady”

It was good to spend time with the wee one. I do love her.

Later on that night I had to go to Arches to do BBC Radio 5 Live ‘Comedy/Politics’ debate live radio show! The small crowd gathered round as I tried hard to be ‘funny’ about politicians, it was annoying as they kept cutting me off and going to another subject or guest. It was ok, but not great.

Ashley my daughter sat in the audience and watched the show and yawned a few times, i could hardly blame her.

The show wrapped up and we waited on Argyle St for my BBC car to take us home. Just then a silver car came screeching round, it slowed down and indicated to me to come over. Ashley looked at me with a puzzled look on her face and slunk behind a stone pillar. I leaned over to the car; the driver was thin with spiky hair and told me to open his passenger door.

I stood there and thought for a second and pulled on the door handle, as soon as I opened it I knew he was not a cab.

“Hey Missus, I am no a cab, listen do you drink this stuff” he leaned into the back seat and I could see plastic Morrison’s bags with instantly recognisable red vodka tops peeping out of the white plastic. He pulled back the bags and I could see that is was Smirnoff Bottles.

me-“No, what makes you think I am going to buy vodka from a man who stops me at the kerb in a silver car? Are you ill?”

man-“What about her?” he points to my daughter who is standing there in a mini skirt and knee high boots and then said ” Does she want a drink?”

me-“No funnily enough I don’t fancy buying alcohol from a wee man in a silver car and passing it onto my daughter, weird that eh? And to be honest we are actually standing outside a pub, where we could get drink from someone who doesn’t drive it through the streets first”

man-” Do you think she might want a ride home?”

me-“Again, NO, I am not letting my child get into your car, don’t you have people to stop and offer vodka to?”

man-“You need to lighten up you weird old woman” he screamed and screeched off sticking up two fingers at me.

I laughed as I walked over to Ashley who asked “Did he think I was a hooker, did he think you were my old pimp?”

I need to re address my style. I have no idea what I actually look like, I was dressed nice for the radio show but apparently I look like fucking Huggy Bear.

Ashley and I laughed all the way home, somewhere in Glasgow there is a man who sells vodka from his back seat, Glasgow’s smallest exclusive bar._