Who knew I would get to this age and question everything? I no longer know who I am supposed to be. A mother, a wife a person? I don’t really know the answer anymore.
Every time I go away for a period of time I come back to a changed household. Ashley has trouble asserting her role; I know she has problems being over shadowed by me, I don’t blame her at 22 I would hate to be known as ‘Annie Currie’s daughter’ and she is still known as ‘Janey Godley’s Daughter’. She gets frustrated I assume.
At this point in her life she should be full of life and confidence, but there is an unusually reversed role play in our dynamics. I should be old and menopausal, put out to graze and she as the younger vital female should be the one blazing a trail, showing me all things I would be missing from my youth. But because I am the one still out there working, doing comedy and enjoying world travel, these roles have been emotionally delayed or reversed to say the least.
She is at home with her dad and that is supposed to be me. I am the older woman; I should be at home dealing with middle age.
Ashley is still at university and doing well. I am so very proud of her, like you cannot imagine. Still she has to watch me pack bags and go off on tour with comedy every week.
I hope I am not stunting her in anyway, though I don’t know what to do about that as I love my job.
Husband just gets on with everything and accepts his role as man about the house. I sometimes feel an intruder when I get back as he and Ashley have their own stuff that they do and I get in the way. I don’t like TV shows they watch, I dislike the food they choose and I seem to be annoying everyone!
They breathe a sigh of relief when I slope off to my room and read or sleep.
I don’t know who I am supposed to be._
Oaft. I’m sure that’s not true. You being there, being annoying is exactly what they miss about you when you aren’t there!