So Ashley has decided that her dad and I are too old for sex. She told me yesterday “Mum you and dad are middle aged and you should both give up having sex”.
I am stunned that she has the choice over this, but to be honest she always did in a bizarre way.
When she was a foetus she almost killed me in pregnancy, so therefore sex stopped. When she born she almost ended my life by taking 3 days to come out and I ended up getting 54 stitches in my poonanny… so therefore sex stopped.
Then when she was a toddler and very curious there was no amount of Vaseline on the door handle to keep her out of our bedroom…so therefore sex stopped.
Then when she was a teenager and kept banging about the house, we had no privacy…so therefore sex stopped.
We were kind of looking forward to her getting older so that when she left, we could have sex on the sofa again…but she is still here and she has decided that our sex life has to stop.
So there we have it….we wont stop, in fact we may start to do shouty loud bangy sex just to annoy her. I think that will give her enough psychological problems to keep her in therapy for a few years.
On another note, I was contacted through a website I was on the other day.
A man messaged me to tell me he and his wife (they were scarily ugly and very greasy looking) like ‘cupples’ for sex. They live in Barnsley and have a semi (I think that was a reference to his penis) and they like other cupples to come over for dinner, music and sex. Videos of the event are optional and can be ordered!
The thought of Chunky chicken and chips, Phil Collins and greasy sex with Norma and Norris made be heave.
You have to see this man to understand why I am horrified. Not only does this odd
freakish looking man have a wife (trust me he makes Quasimodo look like George Clooney) together in the picture they make a fucking frightening ‘cupple’ and I cant imagine anything more scary than being stuck in a semi with those two!
Who are these people that think contacting strangers for illicit sexual encounters is a good idea? Do they actually get takers?
I live a very sheltered life and if Ashley has her way it will be more closeted._