What's new with Janey
13 December 2006

Blood, sex and tears…

Well there was blood, last night as I was compere at Glasgow Jongleurs I decided to leap off the stage as I brought on the first act and promptly crashed to the floor and ripped a big hole in the knee of my tights and blood seeped out of my flesh. The good news is NO ONE saw it as the lights are dark in the corner where I jumped and the act was getting a big applause as he grabbed the mic!

I am such a dick! What made me think I was still 14 years old and can jump like that? My knees recalled youth but my torso reminded them that I was middle aged and buckled in protest!

As if that wasn’t enough drama for one night, here’s more….I was standing at the Dee-jay box chatting to Jay our music man when a tall fat grey haired man approached me “Hey Janey, remember me? You gave me a mention in your autobiography” he boomed at me with open arms.
I gulped quietly and stared at him, I don’t recall this mans face, is he Barra my first boyfriend? Is he one of my husbands family who I haven’t spoke to in years? “I am sorry, I can’t remember you at all” I answered smiling.

“Well, I am the detective that searched you father in laws house the day we found the guns” he laughed and hugged me, as if this was the way you normally greet people who you have jailed in the past.

“Holy Fuck! You are indeed” I still strained to hug the man who changed my life back in 1994.
“Janey, it is so good to see you, I am no longer in the police. I remember talking to you that day about acting and comedy, do you remember?” He asked.

“Yes amongst other stuff that we chatted about that day, like guns and bullets I mean there was so much we said I can hardly recall the idle chit chat” I replied sarcastically but with fond humour.

“Well anyway, you spoke with such passion about how you hated being in the pub business that you wanted to act and write, so it made me think back to my original career choice and soon after we met I left the police and now work as an actor and am involved in music” He beamed at me.

I recalled that man back in 1994; he was the ‘nice’ copper of the two that arrested me after finding a cache of arms in my late Father-in-laws house (The police found more weapons of mass destruction in that house than the US army found in Iraq) Anyway, he was kind to me and I always appreciated that, it was the most terrifying day of my life.

I was worried that I would end up in prison for being in possession of my in-laws weapons and one of that family would be left to raise my child (We all know how that would have turned out! – No University, teen pregnancy and a predilection for fake tan and cheap gold)…so thank god I was out after one night in the cells.

“Janey I am so proud of you, honestly I am, you never belonged with those people and that family were so crooked, that man you married would only have dragged you to the pits of the earth, good for you getting away from them, the bunch of no gooders that they are and making your self successful” he grinned.

“I am still married to him and love that man actually” I spoke with a big smile.

“Fuck I am sorry, he was kind of nice and not like the rest of his brothers” he gasped trying hard to reconcile his statement.

“That’s ok man, I know what you mean” I answered.

We parted and he went off to his table with a big smile to tell his mates who were all watching our meeting.

Life is stranger than fiction, that’s for sure….how nice to meet that guy again and to know he read my book and to accept his congratulations on what he saw as my success…so nice._