I had a great night in London at the Crown Lawn party; I was so excited to go to a Christmas Lunch with the lovely Angela and her friends. Angela’s business is property and you have no idea how much I appreciate the accommodation she provides me for me in London…..I kid you not Madonna and Tom Cruise would be hard pressed to find anywhere as chic and so beautifully located as the place Angela gets me.
I always feel like a star when I lie in my huge king-size bed in the room with marble under floor heating. I giggle and remind myself how thankful I am as I think back to the times as a child when I lay in my dirty sheets picking fleas off my skin in Glasgow in the 1960s….I would be starving and couldn’t wait to get to school the next day because we got a school lunch, I would get up and my bare feet would cramp on the freezing floor boards and stand in chittering cold bathroom and try to wash with no soap and get dried with a filthy sour smelling towel…..and there I was in a huge en suite bathroom, marble warmed floors, thick white towels, Big Ben chiming dutifully at my bedroom window and winter trees covered in small white lights twinkling in the street.
Can you believe this is my life now? How lucky am I?
Angela not only gives me Celebrity Accommodation she gave me the most fabulous expensive Christmas gifts I have EVER had… I got a Bottega Veneta leather purse (It is very chic, and there was a waiting list for this recently!).
I also got a fur scarf, a set of vintage Lauder perfumes and the most wonderful hand sewn silk Butler and Wilson scarf! How wonderful?
I was gob smacked, I have NEVER had such kindness and cannot thank her enough….and to make it worse, as I didn’t know there would be gift giving, I brought a scented candle…YES a fucking scented candle…I wanted to eat my own womb with embarrassment, but Angela has this amazing knack of making you feel wanted and at ease. I am so grateful to her.
I had to leave the party as I had an early flight this morning. I also had to go to Groucho Club to meet Monica as I had some paper work for her.
I love the Groucho, as I walked in I chatted to my friend Lola who works there and she and I got talking about an event she was at that Roland Gift from Fine Young Cannibals was playing at.
They were my favourite band from the 1980s and I was so in love with Roland Gift the lead singer, I mean I had serious sexual fantasies and a HUGE crush on him….I told Lola this and she was laughing at my descriptions of all the dirty things I wanted to do this talented husky voice sexy man…I did go into minute details.
So I met Monica, we sat and waited in the Groucho reception for a cab and then Lola came over holding the hand of ……Roland Gift saying “ This is Janey, she really has a huge crush on you”
My fantasy sexy singer stood there, staring with incredulity at Lola’s vivid description of my sexual fantasies that involved him, I tried to roll myself up into a small ball and pretend to be a hedgehog, Roland’s sexy eyes bore into mine and he smiled that dirty smile that I had dreamt of, I wanted to die with horror and shame…Monica was pissing herself laughing and Roland took my hand and hugged me tightly and whispered into my red burning embarrassed ear “Thank you, I do like being licked”
I meanwhile gabbled 5000 words a second as Lola stood there, finished her ‘Janey wants to fuck Roland Gift since 1983 announcement’ and smiled, threw out her arms and shouted “ I love making dreams come true”
Roland kissed me, winked and walked off (the poor man had to be nice to this mental exhausted Scottish woman who was lugging a huge Santa bag and had bright red cheeks and who couldn’t make eye contact).
There can be nothing more horrifically awkward than meeting a man you had a huge crush on and someone explaining your sexual fantasies of them TO THEM as you watch on…..I can laugh now, but I actually was going to pretend I had fainted to get out of it all…..poor man!
So all in all I had an eventful night, great gifts and Roland Gift!