So I went to the docs today and got that nasty headache pain checked. I saw a new doc and she was pretty young. I entered the room and on sitting she asked me what my problem was. Now to put you in the picture, my usual doc is cool and we have a laugh, he knows I am a comic and always chats away.
“I have these….”
“Mmmmmmmmmmmm” The new doc nodded her head looking down at her writing pad and made this noise over me talking, so I stopped and started again. No one speaks over me.
“I get this pain…” I managed to get out and again “Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm” she nodded her head, ignoring me and she just kept making this fucking really annoying patronising noise. I snapped.
“Ok, you need to stop making that noise and nodding your head, it’s really irritating me, when you were at med school and they were handing out sympathetic noises, did you really choose that noise you make?” I added.
She stopped nodding and writing and looked at me “I am sorry, was that bothering you?” She asked me.
“Well, I was wondering how much time in jail I would get if I stabbed you in the head with a needle” I said.
She never got my sense of humour, looked terribly frightened and I had to explain that I always talk like that as I am a bit ‘Whacky’.
“I see, so do you want to stop wasting both our time and tell me what is wrong” She angrily snapped at me.
“Ok, I keep getting these headaches and they really cripple me and I swear to God if you fucking nod your head and hum I will actually pretend that I have a mental illness and choke you with your stethoscope”
So it turns out I have migraines and I got medication for it and I spent the rest of the day wondering if she makes that noise when she is having sex or chatting to her baby.
I want my old doc back he is funny and makes me laugh and understands me, I usually walk in and my old docs says “Ok Janey, tell me today what scary lump you have discovered in your body or are you pregnant again, or remember that time you thought you had bum cancer and you ran over here bleeding out of what you thought was your ass and it turned out you were having a period? How can a woman who has had a child not know where she was bleeding from, you know I tell that story at parties?”
I love him; he pays attention to me, even if he does tell anal anecdotes about me._