What's new with Janey
27 April 2006

Scary Video’s

I have been watching some short videos on Livedigital, I love watching the home made ones, like my own live blogs or people’s self made short sketches. I can’t believe the amount of short videos that people download from TV and upload onto the site. I don’t want to watch snippets of TV shows but then I also am horrified at watching some horror films as well. They are the kind of ‘real’ films I don’t want to see. For example I inadvertently watched part of a ‘Real train death’ and a ‘real suicide bomber’ I was skipping through various films and unwittingly watched them! I was fucking traumatised for a whole day afterwards.
Who watches that stuff? Who wants to upload it and look over it? Should it be there?
Then I realise that my opinion is no issue, we have the freedom and rights to watch and listen to what we want. It scares me though and I mentioned to Ashley to be careful in case she watches them by mistake as well and she told me that she is of the internet generation and has saw all that stuff before and has no worries, at all. I should be more careful she told me!
So I need to get used to the fact I no longer need to keep protecting her from the world. I don’t think I can get used to that, but I should try to. She is more capable than me at times dealing with stuff.
I recall times when she did need me to look after her, I miss doing that.
I remember taking her aside when she was 14 years old and explaining why the girl in her class was bullying her, there was no actual violence, but this girl made everyone else in this all girl class ostracise her. This girl was jealous of Ashley and made sure she had no friends to turn to; it was a small class so that made it worse. I sat there and watched my daughters eyes fill with big fat sad tears as she told me how this girl ensured she sat alone at lunchtimes and was cruel to her privately.
I wanted to go into that school and stab that 14 year old girl in the eye with a screw driver.
Ashley was a stand up comic at 11 years old and did her own show at 13 years old at Edinburgh Fringe, this girl felt threatened by Ashley’s confidence and went about trying to dismantle it.
I encouraged Ashley to ignore her and laugh loudly any time the girl walked past and after a while I taught my daughter how to smirk secretly when the girl came near and yet keep a straight face when questioned by the nasty girl. Slowly Ashley built up a wall of laughter and silent giggles until the girl was hysterical with anger as to why Ashley was happy or laughing at her, Ashley denied this last accusation because such was the covertness of her smiles the teachers couldn’t understand why the nasty girl was upset at Ashley. To be honest laughing and smiling isn’t really a crime.
I suppose I taught my daughter a form of silent psychological warfare, something that makes the other person feel victimised and distraught, yet with no real actual harm to them, just making yourself look happy is enough to annoy them as your sadness is more important to them.
It did work, the girl did leave Ashley alone and even to this day that nasty girl has problems with Ashley, I know this as they met last week in a night club. The nasty girl saw Ashley and snubbed her as the group was introducing each other; Ashley recognised the snub and whispered something into one of the other girl’s ear and they both laughed loudly. The nasty girl saw this and screamed at Ashley “Why are you always laughing at me? You always laughed at me at school as well”
The nasty girl’s friend turned and said “Ashley wasn’t laughing at you, she just said that she loves watching the Pakistani boys talking ‘street and rap’ wishing they were really black and dangerous and not rich young preppy boys trying to look rough, it was funny!”
Ashley stood there smiling, raised her eyebrow and pulled herself up to her full height and said “I never laughed at you, weren’t we friends at school?”
The nasty girl shouted, now losing it “No we weren’t friends, everyone in the class hated you didn’t they Selina?” She turned to a brown haired girl standing beside Ashley.
Her mate looked at her with disgust and said “No we liked Ashley, she was always funny, you were a cow to her, you told us never to talk to her, but we liked her, grow up”
You can never be there to protect your kids all the time; you can only give them skills to handle the hard times. Laughing at them may just work.
So there we have it, sometimes bullies can be laughed down._