What's new with Janey
28 February 2006

I have been a big Fat Whinger!

I recently read my blog and noticed all I have done is moan and that’s not good. I need to get out of my scary mood and carry on being informative and funny. Neither of which is easy when you are tired.
So I thought I would tell you a funny story about what happened on the way to the shops today.
I needed a newspaper and some bread and happily walked to the local shops, my hair was being its usual ‘Scarecrow backcombed on acid, possibly restyled by a crack whore who is blind’ look. My favourite look I may add. So as I crossed the road, all my hair and I do mean the whole of my hairy head whipped in front of my face and made me totally blind for a few seconds. In these few seconds I almost got hit by a motorbike.
The biker screeched to a halt and then got off his bike, ripped off his hood and guess who it was?
Yes, it was an angry biker! A man who was pissed off that I almost killed myself beneath his very safely driven wheels stood and shouted at me.
“What are you thinking of? I almost belted you across the tarmac you mad whore?” he screamed as small Asian men laughed at me as they were coming out of the Mosque across from my home.
“I am sorry my hair got in my eyes” I mumbled.
“What is wrong with your hair? Its needs to be tied back if you can’t control it, I use a hair band and some good firm gel” he answered back.
So there I was getting hair tips from an angry biker, who nearly killed me, and he did actually have good controlled hair, it was all sleek and tied back.
“I hate it tied back, it makes me look severe and old” Was all I could say back.
“Well you could just tie it back at the top and leave the rest down” He added.
How fucking surreal was my day? He was right, I either look severe or dead on the Glasgow streets….what can I say.
He said his goodbyes, gave me some more hair tips and roared off on his bike.
Today I have stopped moaning about my transient lifestyle and get on with my job and life.
A near death experience and seriously good hair advice._