I had to get up early and get dressed, suited and lipsticked all ready for the STV recording for the Hogmanay Show. I was to comment on various Scottish news headlines that occurred in 2005.
The venue was Hampden Football Park, I was almost late and panicked slightly, but they got me straight in and quickly seated in front of the camera.
I was quietly horrified because just as I had got ready to leave the car; I spotted this bushy black mouser on my top lip, HOLY FUCK!
My brother wasn’t actually joking when he ribbed me about having a moustache when I had visited him last Saturday.
The camera man asked me was I ready and I blurted out “Excuse me can you see my moustache on camera, honestly I saw it moments ago in the car and I am so paranoid!”
“No you can’t see it Janey” he laughed.( I would have preferred him to say it wasn’t actually there!)
I was totally sweating beneath the strong lights with the football museum displays behind me, I spotted an ancient picture on the wall behind the interviewer and it was one of those football legends from the 1920’s and he was sporting a full handlebar job and I slowly thought “That’s what I am growing, a fuck off Lee Van Cleef job”
The interview went well, I managed to be funny on demand (well I hope it was funny, they laughed…maybe at my moustache come to think of it).
If that wasn’t a bad enough experience, the camera man for the Glasgow Herald turned up immediately after the filming (no time to run to shop, buy cheap razor and shave in a toilet).
I quickly asked my husband if he could see my moustache and he looked very closely and said
“It’s not a proper moustache, when did you start growing that?”
His face was all distorted and disgusted, like he had just seen it for the first time and now wanted a divorce from the strange man/woman he was married to.
I was having photos taken for the article that is going in the Glasgow Herald piece that is running next Tuesday regarding my prison comedy and how other comics have worked in prisons.
The photographer had me in a pair of handcuffs that I supplied (they were remnants of the gun and explosives haul at my father in laws house in 1994, the police missed the cuffs!)
Anyway before long he had me driven up to Barlinnie High Security Prison for more pictures. So there I was in the freezing cold, in a pair of handcuffs with a scary prison in the background, smiling as my moustache trailed in the cold wind, like bicycle streamers flapping from under my red drippy nose….cant wait to see the pictures!
Today was filled with me getting packed and ready to go to London, I cannot believe the amount of stuff I have to take, I am nervous as Ashley and I go straight from the flight and straight into an interview with the Sunday Times. We are the Relative Value subjects.
So finally here is the good news…
My book is being reprinted
As it has actually sold out and there is now a waiting list for it!
I am so chuffed like you cannot believe! What a lovely Christmas gift for me…maybe I can afford wax strips for my bushy tash?_