I was called by Alan Anderson to fill in a 20 minute slot in his Gong show night. So I slowly got ready, wrapped up and we drove down to the gig at Bar Bluu.
The Gong show had to be cancelled as NO participants turned up to claim the £100 prize. I swiftly turned to husband and said “Do a gong show gig and win the £100”.
The decision was that the gong show should be thrown and I offered to do a one woman show instead for a free audience. I thought it might be a good idea, since it’s been years since I had an impromptu gig with no reviewers or press or promoters to please…just a fun time and see ‘what happens’ kind of gig.
I cannot begin to tell you how much fun it was I did THREE hours on that stage. The audience at first just sat there and didn’t know what really was going on and then they all just got into the groove of it all.
I can’t really tell you or describe the feeling but the whole thing just went awesome. I loved it, we all became one big bunch of people and as people walked in they immediately joined in and became ONE with the group. UNTIL a wee drunk life beaten couple came in, she was tiny, pissed and staggered about, he was mental and looked like he was just out of prison, with a strange killer twitch and completely drunk, turns out they both came from my childhood street in Shettleston!
Here is an example of the conversation we had.
Me (to wee woman) “Is this your first man or have you had one before him?
Wee woman- “This is my one and only man he is called Wullie, I have never had another”
Me (to wee woman as audience hold their breath) “Do you have kids?”
Wee woman-“Yes I have a son he is ten”
Me (as audience worry that small child may be tied to a lamppost with a fish supper)-“How long have you been with Wullie?”
Wee woman-“Eight years I have been with him, my one and only”
The audience at this point piss themselves as they realise her son is ten years old and surely some man impregnated her.
She told us all when questioned on this point that the father of her son doesn’t count as she can’t recall who he is and if she can’t remember him, then he doesn’t exist!
I cannot even begin to describe the fun we had with that couple, but I can tell you they got onstage and did some stand up. Put it this way, if Tracy Emin presented that performance to the Tate Gallery she would have won £20 million lottery fund to capture it and display it regularly. It was a strange concoction of ‘pure ART and existential thinking’ that the audience and I sat with mouths agape, I think that audience and I bonded in a way that can never ever be repeated and we may meet up every second Tuesday to hug each other and relive the moment.
The gig went on for three hours all in, the audience asked me a host of mental questions which I encouraged, they joined in, they laughed, they added punchlines and they made me the happiest woman to be a comic ever.
I love my job, nights like that make it worth it.
If you are reading this and you were a member of that audience-thank you for making me remember why I am me._