What's new with Janey
03 October 2005

Donny Osmond in Glasgow!

Yes he was and I missed him! Fucking hell -for the love of God what is wrong with me? How could I miss him?
Well on Saturday I was in Liverpool working and last night I was at BBC Scotland helping out at a pilot show.
Why couldn’t Donny come knocking at my door though? I mean Mormons are never away from my door any other week, but the one fucking Mormon I want at my door failed to arrive, I cannot believe that I missed him, I never even stalked out the hotel he was at, and I would have… trust me. I love him, but I forgot he was here in all my busy life-ness.

I am so annoyed. I have met so many celebs at my local hotel, as I used to be a member of the gym there at the Hilton Glasgow. I shared a sauna with the entire pop sensation East 17 (Yeah I know how rock and roll am I?); I had tea and a quick smoke one day with Jude Law, Ewan McGregor and Jonny Lee Miller and have sat and chatted with Billy Connolly! But NO DONNY!

Life goes on and I am sure Donny will regret not seeing me.

Went for a walk into town today to get banking and stuff done, I quickly just put up my hair in a pony, pulled on a pair of cropped trousers that are way too faded and grubby for fashion and wrapped myself up in husbands oldest jacket and when I caught sight of myself in a shop window, I looked like a fucking homeless pikie that needs a good scrub up. I really need to take time to asses my look before I leave the house in future. I saw other women my age. They were all dressed up in lovely clothes, full make up and coiffed hair! What is wrong with me lately? I am old and lazy is the answer, no wonder Donny Osmond doesn’t love me.

The good news is, I bought a good hair masque and new make-up, so tomorrow I will emerge from this flat looking like something from Desperate Housewives, but without the baking, gardening and fucking pool cleaners. I intend to be sexy and lickable.

I was supposed to be in London tomorrow for a meeting with a TV company but they have moved the meeting to December, so I am going to spend that time, plucking, shaving, waxing (I need all of those things to get all of the hair out of my entirely hairy body). Then I am going to get my hair cut (again with the hair thing), then I will have a facial (must make sure moustache is gone, again with the hair thing) and then I will cut my toenails and paint them. I am going to be sexy and sleek and hair free.

The good news is, despite being a fat, hairy and a decidedly spotty blur, husband still finds me sexy, or maybe he is at the age where anything with oestrogen gets him going. Fuck I never actually thought of that…shit…I need to look better soon.

Just realised that it is one year ago today that I was in that TV show on E4/C4 Kings of Comedy, so I called Mick Miller (one of the lovelier contestants and fellow comics on the show) and had a quick word with him. I have to say that Mick Miller is a great comic and wonderful human being, I did have some issues on the show with some of the other comics-but never with him, he is adorable and very very funny.

So a year on and I am still smiling at the memories of the whole experience, I have to say that the best part of the show was the fee…!_