After I blogged last night in Leicester in that hotel, i folded up my laptop and walked to the reception to keep an eye on it till I went out for a coffee from Subway as scary Stevie was not for giving me a coffee,…..afetr my insulting remarks.
There were five men sitting on the double sofa’s. One was early 40’s called Tom, he had a leery smile and an eager look-out for women. I heard him call over the ‘Henparty’ girls who had been staying at our hotel. He was ginger and bald (wot a combination), beside him was a thinner quieter, shy looking middle aged bald man, he had a nice smile. Jim was the young 27 year old shaven headed, well tall and fit sexy, big smiler from Brighton (Not gay-he laughed as he spoke), he loved his RAF…more of which later.
On the other sofa was a smaller darker skinned man in his early 40’s, he was cheeky and funny, nice and honest as it turned out and pulling up chairs as I stood chatting with my heavy laptop in my hand were two fit and quite sexy more well spoken guys ( I think they are a gay couple straight from the off-and I think I am right!).
I sat and chatted and took the usual comments from nice middle England uniform wearing, drunk service men
“Whats a nice lady like you doing on Liecester on a weekend? Come over here and make us all smile”
I explained I was a comic, visting the town for three nights work.
I got the usual guffaws and shouts for me to tell a joke!
“I dont do jokes actually” I laughed.
We got over the faux compliments and we all got chatting about the ‘War’ in Iraq.
Jim the big sexy smiler assured me he ‘Loved his RAF’ and had been there since he was 19, he admitted he could never hold down a relationship but was happy happy happy. Alarm bells rang at his enthusiastic reply.
The two ‘gay’ men ( I have no evidence of this arragement but trust me they were finishing each other sentences) anyway they asked me if I liked Eddie Izzard and I said yes, young happy happy JIm snorted out “He’s Gay”
Me-“No he is not actually”
Gay-couple -man-” No Jim he is a transvestite and that is nothing to do with his sexuality, just his choice to dress as he feels inside”
The gay couple man actually sat there and explained trans gender sexual mental problems as his gay pal nodded and added further comments to help poor Jim understand men who dress as women. I sat there and watched the other men aghast at the complete and utter comprehensive subject matter coming out of the mouths of the two men sititng there drubnk but getting camper by the nano-second.
I giggled under my breath and changed the topic.
I brought up the subject matter of the ‘Human Jenga’ where the Allies were subjecting Iraq prisoners to horrible abuse that had been photographed and sent globally.
The ginger and bald man immediately went into ‘Soundbites’, he prattled on about how ‘wrong it all is and it should not be done’…this was fine until he added…But during the Second World War the Japanese subjected horrible injuries and torture on British POW.
me-“So, you see the situatuion as a form of revenege, although we are not talking about the Japanese”
RAF man- “No, but with all this technology, we are seeing it first hand”
me- “Then what you mean is, the Japanese did not have the internet 60 years ago and if they did- they would have filmed the torture and that in itself would have been enough to hurt Iraq’s people-although they are not in any way connected to the Japanese”
RAF man-“You are twisting my words!”
Nice other bald man-“No she is not, it’s wrong, it’s all wrong and degrading people to even the score is not what being a soldier or RAF serviceman is about. Our motto is “Love all Protect All”. To beat men up and take photo’s of dead soldiers and send them to your friends is a disgusting form of any human behaviour, it’s not why i joined the RAF”
The group went quiet, the nice bald man was red in the face he added “I served in Basra, there were people lying dead in the street holding their own babies and we shot them by mistake”
The room went heavy with the oppresive atmosphere.
Scary Stevie wandered over and said loudly ” I dont want shouting in here, it attracts the wrong sort of people”
I watched his fat stomach strain on the leather belt as he leaned over to pick up empty glasses and I couldnt help thinking that him and his animal porn or fucking scary internet chatrooms qualified as the ‘wrong sort of people’ already.
I watched the assembled group of RAF drunk and confused men, mutter to each other and talk into their own drinks.
One of the men looked over to me and said “We thought you would have made us laugh, your right, you dont do jokes”
I think I made all their spirits weak and they all collectively hate me.
I am not anti- soldier or anything, those guys are going back to the war zone’s in IRAQ…who am I to judge them? I only wanted to hear their point of view on a few things.
I dont do jokes but I do fuck people off… i think._