Not had a grat day to be honest, fell asleep during the day-had the fucking obligatory nightmare-cried upon awakening and felt like a lumpy sad old fat shite going to the gig.
For the first time in my comedy life i wanted to stop doing comedy!-NOW I have NEVER felt like that, but I did today.
I dont call myself an author or playwright or actor I am a comic, although I am all of the other things-I AM A COMIC! Today I felt like a dreary cow. I got to the gig saw 23 big fat baldy men on a stag night leer and shout at me as soon as I stepped on stage and from nowhere, my COMEDY MOJO bounced right back and I had a great gig!
WOW! I think I feel a wee bit under pressure through the book and stuff and the play is fretting me slightly as I need to rehearse hard and I am shitting my pants I will forget my lines and die.
So after the fab gig, I had 23 fat baldy men try to dance with me and I wanted to scream so I left the gig and got to the hotel. I set up my laptop and looked for ‘STEVIE’ the wierd odd barman who serves the late night coffee’s.
me-“Stevie? Hello Stevie?” I called out to the empty bar area.
Stevie is this fattish, man (fuck I hope he doesnt read me blog!)-anyway he is the man who last night asked me if he could get a ‘shot’ of my computer to go on ‘chatlines’, he wasnt joking either! I said I couldnt as the internet was down, really I didnt want the dude downloading animal porn onto my daughter’s laptop that I am borrowing!
So there I was shouting “Stevie”
He appeared like a wobbly Norman Bates in Psycho and sneered at me and said
“I do not answer to the name ‘Stevie’, I am too old to be a ‘Stevie’ I am the wrong colour to be a ‘Stevie’ my mother called me Steven and you must ask me in the correct title or I will not answer you!”
me-“Ok barman, can i have coffee?”
He hates me and is sneering at me as I type, I am not getting a coffee, which is just as well as he may feel the need to piss in it.
I hope he meets a real nutter on the chatline and meets up with ‘her’ and actually is tied to a chair as a big baldy haired fucker called Tommy fists him whilst shouting “TAKE IT STEVIE -TAKE IT BIG BOY”
I am off to bed-goodnight!_