Wild Cabaret is a stunning venue in Glasgow’s Merchant city.
Not your usual comedy venue that boasts a dark cellar and angry hipster barman whose girlfriend looks like a Govan version of Uma Thurman and they argue every time you try to introduce a nervous new comedian or he decides his ‘mates band’ are playing that night, just when you get a decent following.
The carpet doesn’t smell weirdly of a deep clean from folk in hazmat suits or even stick to your feet and they have more than an angle poise lamp to light up the stage…..and you get paid in cash on the night! Weird eh?
What is going on with all this professionalism Godley? I hear you ask.
Well Glasgow boasts great comedy nights and there should be sticky carpets and angry barmen and weird lighting, that’s how comedy works as well, trust me, it’s where I learned my stripes playing.
But Wild Cabaret in Candleriggs is a bona fide cabaret venue with proper posh food and waiters who walk about so well dressed I constantly think they own the joint and keep suggesting new ideas about comedy to their confused faces as they try to take orders. They ignore me and smile. Bless them. I love the place.
It can be a hard thing introducing comedy to folk who are trying to order truffle laden ox blood marrow boned sausages. You are trying to explain a story about mild near death masturbation as they whisper “medium rare please” but we are getting there.
Am joking about the sausages but not about the masturbation joke as there is a white rope above the stage for those folk who dress like cats and do cabaret at the weekend, which I am assured is awesome and it keeps triggering my joke about men who choke themselves during a ‘pleasure session’. Some people laugh.
Some Thursday’s it’s full other times it’s not as busy, but we are getting a good solid crowd and it’s my job to programme it and am rubbish at that part. I don’t mean we haven’t had good comics but I wake up at 4am in tangled sheet panicking that I haven’t booked any acts that week and so grab my phone and check again and again.
Scottish comics have emailed me suggesting their availability and I forget to put them into a file to get back to them, so now people think I don’t like them and you know how well liked I am to begin with, it’s a vicious circle.
I am trying to make sure I get everyone on, the pay isn’t stunning but at least in these climes of comedy clubs being crap at paying people, you get cash on the night.
I forget every week to announce the line up on social media and then I remember and hastily send it out 500 times just to make sure am annoying people all over the world as well as at home.
The owner of the club is brilliant and takes on board all the suggestions I come up with and even has posters of my giant face around the city centre on bill boards.
The staff are fabulous and move between the tables like members of the CIA taking orders and rarely shake a cocktail when folk are onstage, in fact one barman shakes his thing in the side kitchen for convenience and often makes cocktails in there as well (BOOM BOOM).
We have awesome deals on like the £15 (was £30) two course meal with a glass of wine AND comedy ticket for Thursday nights. That’s a cracking deal eh? If you just want comedy its £8 and you sit on beautiful seats or in a stunning booth!
There are no sight line problems and the toilets are fabulous and don’t double up as the acts room, we have a great green room back stage with our own loo.
The problem is, trying to merge posh food and a beautiful room with stand up…they can be weird bedfellows but I don’t see why it can’t happen.
Why does comedy club food have to be fried and flung at you with cheap cutlery and plastic glasses?
Why can’t we eat salmon mousse from beautiful plates and drink from crystal glasses and still laugh?
We will and we ARE! So come down to Wild Cabaret JUST COMEDY on a Thursday night, you will see half price offers on facebook and twitter.
I will be the frazzled panicky woman staring at a white rope above the stage trying to avoid a strangly wank joke.
So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates and daily shenanigans.
Sorry my blog’s have been less regular than promised…been hectic.