17 October 2012

Toronto & Dogs

Yes, a big husky dog did try to have sex with me at the traffic crossing, am telling you- weird things happen here in Toronto. Here’s what happened, I was standing at a busy traffic crossing on my way to Yuk Yuk’s comedy club, beside me a young guy backpacker had a huge grey and white gorgeous husky wolf dog on a lead. The dog stared at me, I made eye contact and it kind of dog smiled and leapt on me with sexual intentions (clearly the eye contact was a mistake). You don’t get long to cross the road in Toronto, they have a countdown to death system and running whilst being dog raped is hard work. I made it across just as the lights flashed 3 seconds which is good work with a big dog with its cock hanging out strapped to your back. Am 51, wee and old and Scottish, am figuring that’s some kind of record.

The TV in Canada sucks, their on demand package doesn’t have ‘the pilot’ episode nor does it let you fast forward through the shit adverts for Chicago Fire or Revenge (whatever that is but they are shit trust me). To make matters worse, every TV show has ‘TWO VERBAL WARNINGS ABOUT COARSE LANGUAGE AND ADULT THEMES’ these are people who survive snow falls that would kill Brit’s and they hunt wild animals, yet they cannot be exposed to coarse language. We are very spoiled in UK trust me, get up and hug your TV now if you live there- we have exceptional services for TV in UK.

Good news is, am staying in a cracking apartment, run by Toronto Luxury Suites (you can Google them) and it has everything you need for a month’s stay and longer. Not only that, they are so helpful and even showed me how to adjust the volume on my TV after pressing all the buttons for an hour. That’s service I tell ya!

My first few days here were exhausting as I managed to take the toenail off my baby toe and then do seven shows with a ravaged toe pain. No amount of plasters and bandages fixes that pain…anyway its better now. The staff at Yuk Yuks are amazing and always helpful taking turns to stare at my mangled toe and offer advice. One asked me if I wanted it hacked off with a hunting knife… I think I over stepped my sympathy card.

The comics here in Canada are just fabulous and so welcoming to a visiting comic. I find it refreshing to come to a big comedy club chain that will headline women….not many do.

So this weekend am in London Ontario Yuk Yuks, then Niagara Yuk Yuks the following weekend and after that I do Halifax Yuk Yuks and the last weekend is in St John’s Newfoundland Yuk Yuks…am in for a treat eh?

The sun is shining here, the autumnal leaves are blazing like bronze medallions as they flutter down and I love Canada.

I have been Face-timing Ashley on a regular basis and it seems like her rotten flu is slowly eating away her strength, she is covered in white tissue and her face is blotchy with rubbing her nose…I feel so sorry for her. I let her see the view from my window which looks onto a small fire station which is very cute and has some hot firemen hang about kicking tyres and wrapping a hose. That cheered her up a bit.

ok…am off to eat maple flavoured bacon and some waffles….speak soon

So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates.