What's new with Janey
26 March 2010

Life is happening all around us

Except in my niece Ann Margaret’s house where the hamster has died. Wee Abi aged 6 was distraught, she donned a big pair of black sunglasses, clutched a single daisy and clattered downstairs in cheap childish girly high heels and stood mourning at the burial of the hamster. She did a whole big Betty Davis performance of anguish and pain, before throwing herself onto the freshly turned earth screaming “I miss you baby”

Julia aged three merely shrugged and said “don’t worry it will be back” in a voice that suggested she may dig it up and place it’s rotten corpse on Abi’s bed in a Godfather-esque way to warn her off from touching Julia’s chunky glitter crayons.

The minute the girls were dragged upstairs Ann Margaret looked out the window and spotted a fox dragging the dead hamster away between its sharp teeth, leaving behind a gaping hole and a mangled daisy.

Life in my house is fine…I had my one woman show at Tron Theatre; it was a sell out and was good!
Probably sold out due to the fact that lovely Simon Pegg had tweeted and tweeted info about the show- the man is not only Scotty in Star Trek- he is a GOD in GODLEY world for doing that.

This weekend I am presenting an award at the Scottish Variety Awards and on Monday am off to London for meetings and recordings etc…so life is just chugging along.

Ashley and I are excited about our kid’s show we are doing at Edinburgh Fringe. I am still off the fags and happy as hell about that.

Husband took me shopping to the giant retail park Silverburn and did the ‘man’ thing where he took off at a tangent in the direction of electronic shops as they don’t annoy him he despised clothes shops.

It’s just a thing he hates, just wandering like a lost soul between rows and rows of ladies tops make him grumpy and me punchy.
I spotted a neon yellow/black checked funky dress that I thought Ashley would love; it had wee puff sleeves and a swirly skirt at the bottom.

I bought it, took it home, pulled it out the bag and said “this is like something out of Glee; you know the lead girl always wears kooky clothes? Well you might like this”

Ashley actually screamed and said “that is hideous and may incite epilepsy in folk, what the fuck made you think I would wear that God awful horrible frock?”

I made it her put it on and I took photos, she looked either Punk Amish or neon Little House on The Prairie- either way it was totally insidious. Its official I am not a Personal Shopper with unique taste and style, I am a middle aged mum with no sense of colour/fabric/style.

I also bought myself a dress in clingy fabric the colours of a battered parrot- there are slashes of bright green, yellow- with red dots, Ashley said it looked like someone had vomited up a clown onto bri-nylon.

When I tried it on the wrap around front over emphasised my breasts to the point where it was basically ‘reader’s wives’ for inner city mental patients.

I realise that this might be the onset of my menopause, some women get flushes, I get colour blind and the added bonus of the fashion sense of Sue Pollard.

I need to take it all back to the shops._