What's new with Janey
20 September 2007

What men must NEVER DO

To follow on from my last blog that I had so many comments about, so I thought I would add on.

Here are some examples of what men must NOT do.

Men must…

• Never buy Lavender talcum as a birthday present, and then after the screaming has finally abated produce ANOTHER tin of talcum because the supermarket had a two for one deal on the product.

• Never say out loud “When did your knickers start cutting into your fat bum, you have red marks, do they hurt?”

• Never stroke your wife in the dark in bed and ask “Is that your boob or that fat bit that comes round your back?”

• Never ask why after so much application of make up you look the same as you did when you started.

• Never laugh out loud when you bang your toe.

• Never …when asked an opinion on your outfit actually assume that we want the real truth.

• Never tell a complete stranger on an aeroplane “That’s my wife just farted, she ate a curry last night and always farts like this the next day”

• Never point out a spot in your wife’s face; I think she would already have guessed it is there.

• Never laugh out loud in a shop when your wife holds up a dress.

• Never tell people that your wife can’t cook and you once almost died of food poisoning when she made an apple crumble.

• Never tell a journalist that your wife doesn’t really see comedy as a job, she talks like that in the house, the shops, the car and to kids and you would rather pay to shut her up and that you cannot understand why people pay to hear her and that she talks like that in her sleep. You see… they print that shit.

• Never ask her why she married you, it was probably a long time ago and in the late 70’s skinny boys with big eyes seemed sexy back then.

So there we have some of my sage advice on what men should never say, now I know there are loads of things women shouldn’t say, but I am not about to reveal the sisterly secrets, faults and misdemeanours. Am I now?_