What's new with Janey
27 May 2007

Seven Secrets You Won’t Know About Me…

By email a friend suggested that I had to write seven things that people would not know about me. Now this is hard for me as I have written my autobiography and have blogged my inner most feelings since 2004, so what’s to write that you might not know?

So I had a big long think and this is the seven things about me that most people won’t know.

One- I have a scar that runs from my belly button upwards from an operation that went wrong when I was two years old for a hernia problem. (I don’t know how babies get hernias unless I was weightlifting teddy bears)

Two- I have extremely erotic porn dreams about people I don’t even find attractive –like the man who works in the co-op near my home and a stand up comic I actually really dislike and then I sweat profusely when I meet them in case subconsciously realise I am in love with them and cant recognise it because I am mentally challenged.

Three- I miscarried a baby one night before I went onstage and didn’t know I was actually pregnant and did the gig. It was just a heavy bleed and I didn’t recognise what had happened till the next day (ok maybe that was too gross for most people to know but I am searching here for secrets….help me out!)

Four- I shout another mans name out in my sleep regularly, so my husband tells me and I suspect this may be connected to number TWO in this list.

Five- I used to enter competitions in conjunction with drinks companies through the pub I used to own years ago, and under false names I would win many gifts and had to get locals to collect the prizes. I was good at writing slogans and got bored talking to drunken Glaswegians so I entered all the booze comps!

Six- I screwed money from our new Prime Minister.
Gordon Brown our new Prime Minister was the Chancellor of the Exchequer in the 90s, we used to let the Labour Party use our next door shops for free when they were canvassing during an election-and Gordon Brown was there- he came into the bar to buy drinks for all his Labour chums. After ordering a huge round of drinks, he stood there and asked the price of whisky and lager.
“£1.40 a pint, £1.50 a whisky, so that’s ten pints and four whiskies’ comes to £30 in all thanks” I said with a smile knowing that I was overcharging him ten pounds, this was just to see if he could actually count.
He stood there, looked at me and then agreed and nodded.

I laughed took the cash and said loudly “You can’t count and that’s why I will never vote Labour”
So I screwed our new Prime Minister for cash!

Seven- I am incredibly shy with new people and am only talkative when I am onstage and it freaks people out when they meet me and I stare at my shoes and go quiet till I get a microphone in my hand._