What's new with Janey
06 May 2007

New York here I come…

This blog gets over half a MILLION hits a week and I am sending out into the big wide world web a quick plea. I am coming to New York on 22nd May till 1st June; I am performing my play The Point of Yes at the Green Room on Bleecker Street on 23rd May.
I need a decent cheapish hotel for 10 days, I will also be writing my Scotsman Newspaper column (it’s actually a whole page that I get) from New York So WI/FI is very important.
I can’t wait to go to New York and I will also be doing comedy and will keep you all updated on this as soon as possible.

So let me know if you can help!

Meanwhile Glasgow has given up its global warming campaign and the weather has gone mental and started to rain. I was awoken by the heavy slashing rain that battered off my bedroom window. This wasn’t what actually woke me up, what grabbed me from my slumber was the men who work in the bathroom store beneath my flat.
Their back door where they come out for their 11am smoke is directly beneath my bedroom window, and my window is directly above where my pillow snuggles my head.
“So then I was fucking this woman and I said to her ‘Ask me who the daddy is man’ and she just fucking lay there squealing”
(Glasgow men say the word ‘man’ at every given opportunity, like ‘it was great man, you should have seen the car man’ except in this situation surly when you are talking about fucking a woman, the word MAN should not come into it. Who am I to teach the scummy poor how to talk?)
I heard these words being bellowed from the nasty wee skinny acrylic-wearing sales assistant in between gasps of dragging on his cheap fag.

I leaned out of the window looked down and there he was, acting out his fake sex life in full swing.
“Hey MAN” I shouted “Why don’t you save your breath for you blow up doll and shut the fuck up as I try to sleep or actually have real SEX as you stand down there shouting out shite”
The wee skinny man looked up in shock. “I am sorry missus” he then flicked away his ciggie and ran inside the shops back door.

So that’s how I woke up today.
I can’t wait to wake up in New York._