For those who don’t know, my husband has mild Aspergers Syndrome. Since travelling with me the last few days, he is so mental he makes Rain Man look like Al Gore….he is driving me to madness. Since we have been in this flat in London he has moved around the furniture, colour co-ordinated my clothes and re arranged my toiletries, I have Tampons all in a small box, lined up pointy ends facing out.
I was sitting writing this blog and he managed to move sofa’s about and slide tables around as I sat still. It was like that scene from Amityville Horror, I looked round and there were chairs stacked on top of each other on a small occasional table!
I was just about to go into the Groucho Club for a quick pre gig drink when he called me “Janey, when will you be home?”
Me-“I don’t know, I may stay out late”
Husband – “Do you have an estimated time of arrival?”
Me – “No. Why?”
Husband- “Its just I want have supper all ready for you”
Me-“It’s a fucking salad, there is no cooking, you can have it ready when I get there”
Husband- “Do you want a bacon roll for breakfast?”
Me (exasperated) – “I don’t know yet as its just 8pm, I have no idea what I want at 8am”
Husband- “Well if you want bacon I can put it at the front of the fridge and when I open the door it will be nearest to hand in the morning”
Me (now convinced he needs to die) -“Are you that bloke from ‘Sleeping with the Enemy?’ Am I going to have to dye my hair and fake my own death?”
Husband (completely unperturbed)- “So that’s a yes to the bacon?”
It’s been like this for days now. He constantly needs to know everything I may want in the next fourteen hours so he can get it prepared in advance. I am so used to travelling on my own I am not used to someone asking me what I want to eat next Tuesday.
To top it all, I woke up this morning with a big knotted elastic band in my bushy hair, I could not work out why my hair looked like a special needs person, husband saw me trying to unravel it, he smiled smugly and said “Last night your hair touched my face so I got up and tied it into a pony tail as you slept, that why you have a strange side bunch”
That man is re arranging my hair in my sleep that is grounds for divorce.
Today I also have a nasty head cold, it makes me feel ill. I have snotty stuff coming out of my beak and I want to remove the bowling ball from my brain!_