Well there are more territorial issues going on in my home than there are in the Middle East…well I know that’s an exaggeration – but I am prone to some exaggeration when it comes to describing my relationship- well not really exaggeration, more exacerbating and explaining the problem is how I would like to describe it.
I believe that as we get older we become much more easily annoyed in a relationship.
Thinks about it, at first when you meet a man/woman, you love their ‘little habits’ …things like…when they snort aloud as they laugh, OR when they talk over you as you make a point OR how the snigger at your inability to cook/vacuum/iron and fold towels.
After 25 years of marriage- these tiny things make you plot his murder daily.
You must remember how you would tell friends that ‘He has this funny wee thing where he cleans out my handbag for me, he throws away bits of paper and makes it all tidy, its really thoughtful of him’
YES I KNOW…as I write that I can hear screams from women all over the globe shouting “He goes into your handbag?”
A woman’s handbag is akin to the Holy Grail, it is where we find sanctuary and safety in a world of madness, its where we keep that last bit of gum, that scribbled phone number of a TV producer, that last tissue, that favourite wee packet of sweets, that dirty mangled tampon (that we will use in emergencies, despite the health issues surrounding it) that voucher for a free coffee that you will never use but reminds you of the time in Barcelona, the crumpled photo of your baby niece, that foreign coin you can never use- but makes you smile when you remember Amsterdam, that un-stickable first class stamp and the free lipstick you got from a magazine that would only look good on a cheap whore….BUT…it is YOURS!
We need this shit in our lives.
My husband recently cleaned out and re-arranged-
2- My underwear drawer
3-My kitchen cupboards
I am now baffled as to where my ‘good bra’, ‘favourite cup’ and ‘phone number on the back of bus ticket’ has gone and he now must die.
He sees this as ‘helping’ and I see it as ‘territorial terrorism’ and it must stop or I will hide his
1- Batteries – that – work collection (Ashley uses them on audio stuff and he freaks)
2- Favourite socks that match
3- Beard trimmer with battery that works
4- Favourite black pen
5- Remote control (Which is more prized that the Ring from Lord of the Rings!)
6- The small bag that he hordes all his small change in
I can be a bastard as well and I am better at him in this ‘War of the Roses’ tactic.
So today we fought again and the anniversary is looming, where will we go? What will we do? Will we celebrate or silently seethe?
Watch this space._