What's new with Janey
10 March 2006

Fun in London

I have never been to the Café Royal in London’s West End before. I was amazed at how swish and regal it looked, it’s not the kind of café where you can order egg and chips, that’s for sure.
When I arrived at the venue to take part in ‘Funny Women’ I was escorted into the dressing room where young women were organising hair and make up.
Immediately my hand reached up and my fingers got trapped in the thick hedge like matted bush that is my hair.
A young blonde with cropped hair and a whippets body caught my eye “You need your hair done, come sit here and we can negotiate a way to have it in an up-do”
Within minutes she was pulling extremely hot straighteners through it and then twists were happening, Kirby grips were being whipped out of teeth and jabbed into my scalp whilst other women watched in awe.
The blonde was ‘taking on my hair’ the way other people took on ‘Kilimanjaro’’ I could not see what was happening as I never had a mirror in front of me, but heads were being nodded, smiles and raised eyebrows all around as yet another section of hair was twisted and piled on top of my hair, then secured with a sharp pin. I suspect this is as close to S&M that posh women get.
Then a flourish of hairspray was added, people smiled, some clapped and I stared into the mirror and saw coils of dark smooth hair arranged over the crown of my head, it looked interesting but to touch it was crispy and concrete-like. I think the hairspray was made of wall paper paste!
So I took my new ‘look’ and let the make up girl apply her goods.
Everyone did a double take on me “Janey you look lovely” now the thing is, I do dress up a lot and can do glam-but not for stand up comedy!
It was weird being on stage dressed up, I felt like a funny hooker.
The night was great, everyone did very well and it took ages to get the stuff out of my head,
I think if cracks should appear in your walls, spray them with hairspray, trust me it will hold them in place._