What's new with Janey
20 January 2006

My Birthday day…

It’s been an odd day; I spent time this morning doing business on the phone, sat about in my tee shirt and knickers, then after about four hours of sitting watching TV- I decided I might need a shower as I started to smell like Arbroath (a small Scottish sea side smelly town).

I checked myself in the mirror and I notice that I am growing a fuck off huge spot above my eyebrow, so if I slowly nurture it and encourage it to grow, I will be able to apply to freak fairs as the girlfriend of the Elephant Man!

So it being my birthday and all I decided to treat myself to a heat and serve dinner for one at Sainsbury’s. So I walked round to Pimlico and tried to avoid people staring at my huge red lump on my eyebrow.

Just when I thought the day could not get anymore exciting four police cars screeched to a halt outside the wee charity shop where I buy books. I thought that maybe something exciting was happening and by God here I am again, in the centre of the activity, my bloggers would love a story that involved the police.

I stopped and watched and got my camera phone at the ready, there were policemen running from the vehicles, I moved to get a closer look and the six coppers decked a tiny wee drunk woman.

She must have been about five stones in weight, she stood about 4 feet tall (couldn’t really tell as she was crouched like a wee drunk hobbit) she was carrying what appeared to be stolen goods from the charity shop!
Unless she was Osama bin Laden in his cunning disguise as ‘Betty the shouting Pimlico drunk’ then there was no reason for that many coppers! She was fucking screaming and begging to be let go!

Crowds gathered, so I got bored and moved off wondering why so many policemen needed to control that wee poor lady.
I went off down to Vauxhall Bridge to see the lost whale that has swam into the Thames. Again the place was awash with policemen and reporters maybe that was Osama Bin Laden’s secret submarine making its way up the river to explode at the Houses of parliament?

Poor wee whale, it was floundering about and I thought, maybe this is the time to go swimming…how slim would I look if a beached whale was already there?
Am off to heat up my sausage and mash….maybe a big gorgeous man will come to my door tonight and present me with a dilemma…or maybe I will just eat the sausage dinner and sleep?_