Glenochil Prison Gig!
What a day! I had to meet up with a journalist to discuss the article they are writing concerning me performing comedy for the lifers at Glenochil prison tonight.
But first I had to dash to the docs to show him a new wee lump on my breast, turns out its just a wee cyst and I need to get a new mammogram thingy…whoopee… lucky fucking me…lets get my tits squashed and flattened…my favourite.
I then have been booked for the Malcolm Hardee tribute gig in London in February at the Hammersmith theatre, on a huge fuck off star studded bill. I had to move a gig to accommodate it, but I did like Malcolm as he took me to Glastonbury and gave me a gig and had faith in me.
I still have problems with the Cochrane theatre which seems to have no record of me on their ticket selling website…not good!
Anyway the journo asked me how I felt performing comedy for rapists and murderers, I said “Well, I do a lot of gigs, how do I not know that rapists and killers are sitting in any audience, maybe they have not been caught yet?”
“Fair point” he answered.
“And, to be honest, they are in prison serving time for their crime and deserve to be treated with dignity” I added.
“Are you not scared?” He asked me.
“No, I am from the Calton” I smiled.
Getting to the prison was a fucking trauma, all dark and horrid but we got there eventually.
The hall was all set up for the gig as they took me through a whole series of big security doors, with the obligatory barred sliding door.
The guys all came in and sat quietly until the prison guard announced me.
It immediately struck me that they were all wearing either green or red tops and they cheered as I came on. I still don’t know what the colours mean.
I stood on the wee wooden box they called a stage and looked around the room, there seemed to be more prison guards and police than convicts.
I opened with “People worried about me coming here tonight, they were scared you would attack me, but I know you guys wont hurt me when you have all these coppers to beat up…I mean I have never pissed in your tea!”
They all cheered and we had great fun. I kept going into areas of comedy which I clearly hadn’t though about…for instance
“Do you like travelling? No…fuck I forgot, you are in here for while…ok let me tell you about my travels then!”
I then did material about how I want to go on TV show ‘Dragons Den’ where millionaires sit in a room with 150 grand in front of them and decide which entrepreneur will be funded.
I said I want to go in there, pull out a gun and shout “Right the fucking lot of you, money in the bag, NOW or I will fucking blast your face off” as soon as I had said that I added “Sorry if that was a wee flash back from your actual crime!” and they all just laughed their asses off!
I did some stuff about sex and pain and asked the inevitable question “Anyone here into sex and pain? Or is that a silly question coz you all already jam each others cocks in cell doors? Do you all do that fisting thing in between basket making and painting by numbers?”
I am telling you these guys and I laughed like fuck, they knew I kept going into slightly inappropriate subject matter and I ended up giggling and squirming trying to get out of that situation and they were egging me on to say more!
I asked them if they had any questions and quickly said “But not asking me on a date as that’s fucked, I will sitting in some fucked up smelly café for 15 years waiting on you turning up”
They all cheered at the end of the show, I was bemused as I recognised at least three faces in that crowd. As I was leaving one big guy looked me right in the eye and said, “Hey, you were funny, I laughed when you used to be Janey Storrie as well, good work!”
He did know me, and he had just used my married name which I changed legally to Godley 10 years ago.
So I am home and safe, it was good experience and would love to go back and do it again. Check this Wednesday’s Glasgow Herald, that when the article goes in.
Glenochil Prison Gig!