What's new with Janey
28 November 2005

Hitchcock’s Birds…

The journey home was fine, snow drifted into the windscreen as we drove out of Manchester, but the roads were not bad. I stuck in my IPOD and could hear husband in the far far distance of my peripheral hearing mutter on about something…it may have been important but fuck it…Herbie Hancock was making magic music and I was listening to him instead.

Every now and then I would yank out one headphone and catch a small bit of his chatter and at one point in between Boz Scaggs and John Mellencamp I heard him say to me
“So that’s why I never eat pineapples and am glad I don’t have ovaries”
I looked at him in profile as he never takes his eyes off the road and therefore doesn’t know I am not listening to him and I secretly wondered what the FUCK that conversation had been about!
Ovaries and pineapples?
So I went back into Tom Robinson sing acoustic ‘War Baby’ which is so good….pure music!

We stopped off at a service station near Glasgow. We parked in the car park outside the restaurant and as soon as I opened my passenger door I almost stepped on a wee robin red breast bird that was fighting amongst the fat shiny ducks that were waiting outside my door for FOOD!

The birds are now so used to being fed by humans that they literally WAIT for people to come out of their cars and squabble around your feet fighting for tit bits!
There were big scary inky dark eyes blackbirds, fat green and blue shimmering ducks and angry wee pecky robins.
I screamed…it was like Hitchcock’s ‘The Birds!’…Honestly to watch a wee bouncing red red robin peck a duck as it fights to get near your ankles is quite frankly fucking horrifying!
I threw a Jaffa cake at the angry avian mob and ran into the service station to get away from them.
Life is weird from men who slice their cocks (I am never going to get over that?)._