Me and the Prague Police….
All I wanted to do was find my way to the Jewish Quarter. So in the main square was a police man sitting in his van with the sliding door half opened and he was clearly there waiting to be of assistance.
“Excuse me, can you show me where the Jewish Quarter is?”
The young police man looked at me quizzically and shook his head, I realised I needed to be clearer on this subject and language is a problem, so I practiced my Slavic on him “ Josefov” I repeated…this is how the area is spelt in the map.
He merely sniggered and shook his head. I was now determined to let him know I knew he was taking the piss, the Jewish quarter is huge in Prague and the word Judish-synagog is not hard to understand even in Prague. He was being a fuck wit and it annoyed me, instead of giving up I decided to explain Jewish-ness in the form of physical theatre.
I stood there in front of the police van’s open sided door and put my two fingers over my nose and did a Hitler salute in front of me and said “Hitler” then I made a hissing noise and said “Jew’’ and then made to fall down…I stood up and said “Schindlers List, Holocaust…JEWISH District where is it you ignorant fool” I was now shouting.
Then it struck me…I splayed out my arms as if to be on the cross in a Jesus fashion and said ‘Jesus’. The policeman then jumped up and clapped his hands, pointed to the big church and said “ Jesus Christian Church”…I was laughing now I had his attention and was glad he spoke English but I stood there maintaining my crucifixion position and spoke clearly
“Jesus is a Jew, not a Catholic”.
At this he shouted in some Slavic and waved his arms at me.
I smiled and said “ You are a Nazi and you are gay and that other policeman sucks your cock and if you don’t know what I am saying here is that statement in the form of theatre” I then proceeded to do the ‘ Blow job’ hand movement and then gave him the finger. This he understood.
I walked off angry. He was shouting strange words, I merely turned and gave him the Glasgow gang sign of putting my left forearm over my clenched right fist and shouted TONGS YA BASS (Glasgow east end gang cry).
Just then a young man who had been filming it all came over and shook my hand thanked me for the performance and pointed to the street that led to Josefov…which incidentally was only one block away. We had dinner in a lovely restaurant in the Jewish area. I wish I had a religion or at least a belief, to see those beautiful churches and synagogues is breath taking…if only it really meant something.
I recently visited Rome and yet I have never seen as many beautiful churches and SO MANY as I did in Prague, there is not that many in Rome in comparison…isn’t that strange?
I nee to go and pack for the flight….there is a policeman in Prague who hates me…_