What's new with Janey
20 May 2005

Love and weird dreams

Well I like Leicester, the gig is a big weird to say the least, I think I feel flat and am working the crowd too hard to get a laugh, but I do find the MC job a bit stiff as I want to go into big long funny stories and thats not my job, it has to be short and chatty….well I like longer things….there’s a surprise!

I hope I AM DOING ok…sorry caps lock and am too lazy to go back and fix it.

Its very late and am sitting in the hotel lobby on their WI/FI and there is Tim Vine just checking in……I said hello, he is here to do some big theatre gig, he is coming back over to have a drink and a chat with me…not that you noticed I was gone or that i have had half an hour between that set of dots and this one…..funny eh?

I think I am in love. (Not with the lovely Mr Vine! I may add)

But just in love with ….well it feels odd to say it aloud but with my husband, I dont know if I should say this on the web but I seem to feel that I can tell you anything. I know he wont read this or the BOOK.

I had a call from him telling me that he knows that he gets the whole truth told about our marriage in the book, and already i have to defend or talk about why I stayed in the marriage and he is very very supportive of the book, it was not a happy time for me OR him…to be honest and I do have some regrets about what when on between us.

I was in a deep sleep last night and a nightmare started, I woke up in a strange room, really scared and leaned over to feel him and he wasnt there, I sat up in the dark and felt very bereft that he was missing. I even got up in a slightly confused state to look for him, I think i may be sleep walking again.

It’s been a long long time since I felt that pain of missing him. I really missed him. I dont always miss him as I hardened myself for many years and kept my emotions very much in check, but lying there in the dark and feeling very vulnerable, i realised how much I wanted him near.

Dont worry dear heart, next week I will be me again and will balk at the very idea of love and stability and strength as a couple.

I dont mean i am a hard case who refuses and dismisses love, it’s just been a long time since I cared this much and if you read the book you will know why.

I need to go. Bye_