What's new with Janey
11 May 2005

Book and sadness in Maryhill

The book has arrived, I can hardly believe it!

I was woken up by the postman very early and husband got up and signed for it. The parcel was brought into my room and I said “Just put it on the floor”
Husband “Don’t you want to open and read it?”

Me –“No I know what happens, I know the ending” And I fell back asleep.

I woke with a start and remembered that it was there. I saw the white parcel sit on my floor. My heart raced when I looked at it but I felt I could just not touch the parcel or even begin to open it. I even hovered around it.

Husband came through, bent down, lifted the parcel and ripped it open. The book came out. He handed it to me, I opened it up and smelt the new-ness of it. Words flickered by, names I recognised ‘George, Mammy and Ashley’ all there printed in that book is my past and my dead mother’s life –as I saw it.

We got in the car and I took it up to my dad’s and gave it to my step mum. She has been my mum for 23 years now, she knows me as the adult my mammy never got to really see. My step mum knows me as a mother- my own mammy never got to see that.

I am excited and anxious that people will enjoy it but I am acutely aware of how hard parts will be to read – for the people who know me.
I know this as Monica cried today reading it (she got a book biked over to her office at 3pm).

She called me in tears!

I am not that child anymore, I am me.

A whole person with a whole life ahead of me.
Hope whoever out there buys it will enjoy the journey.

There was many tears today, on this day last year the Stockline plasicts factory blast killed and injured many people. It is the building round the corner from my house.

I ran out on hearing the noise and took photo’s of the destruction that made that nights front page news with my picture of the horror magnified in full colour.

I have no idea why I ran and took the phot, but I am glad I did as it informed all the rush hour commuters of the horror unfolding that resulted in tragedy .

I saw all the bereaved and families of the injured, the brave fire fighters and officials today lay a wreath at the site.

That is something to cry real tears about._