What's new with Janey
10 April 2005

Kiwi’s and kebabs

Had a late night last night. Went out to dinner up at Oran Mor with Monica and the staff she works with at the property company. The food was just delicious; I had big fat Scottish scallops that burst with flavour in your mouth! Yummy.
One of the guys in the group was from New Zealand. I had been in NZ three times, going over to the comedy festival and spending time there and touring.
I also spent time in Great Barrier Island, which is a small island five hours by ferry from Auckland. The ferry trip over is awesome, you see whales and dolphins trail being the big lumbering boat.
The island is just really heaven. They have their own electricity and they have no pollution and they grow all their own produce and live from the sea. They even have a big Irish bar right there in Tryphena Bay.
I stayed in a house built by this nice dude called Wayne McVicar (Scottish descent), the house was just amazing with lovely wee twisty staircases and a big circular bedroom with one wall completely glass with a view of the beach! Heaven on earth.
His back garden had a big camomile lawn with a stone bath set in the middle that is perfect for ‘moonlight’ baths. There is no street lights giving off heavy light pollution, so therefore the sky and constellations are so bright you can lie there and the garden is lit by the moon and stars and the scent of camomile soothes your soul.
I had NEVER EVER been so relaxed and amazed in my entire life.
So me and Michael ( the guy from NZ) chatted all about that beautiful land and guess what??, he is over here working so he can pay for a house on Great Barrier Island. I wish him well and I told him I do want to return there someday, he promised to keep me a hammock in his garden over looking the sea. How nice!
So with all that wondrous memory still seeped in my mind we wandered out of the restaurant and into the Glasgow rain and was promptly greeted by a wee fat Scottish couple shouting at each other outside the nightclub next door.
She had on a big red Basque top and flowing black skirt; her ample boobs were bulging and swelling over the top of the tight fabric. I thought she was in ‘fancy dress’ but that was her in her Saturday night best, her wee ginger headed man was wearing a frilly looking ‘Adam and the Ants’ type shirt which made me really think they were in fancy dress. I don’t think they were, I think that was genuinely their style. God help us!
Anyway they started shouting at the bouncer who was refusing them entry to the nightclub (maybe he too thought they were in fancy dress).
They shouted and shouted and then gave up arguing with the big passive bouncer.
Four feet away for the door they started shouting at each other, then as if by magic a big lanky teenager in a Rangers football top approached the scene, leaned over and slammed a fat squelching, dripping kebab into the ginger mans face!
“Stop shouting at the woman ya cunt” he screamed at the wee man, as dark red sauce ran down the wee blokes face looking like bright neon blood”
The fight ensued, lanky teenager busty basque woman and ginger kebab man all rolling around screaming and snarling abuse at each other.
Glasgow on a Saturday night.
I was ashamed of my happy guests having to see it all.
Then inside my head I smiled as I remembered that camomile lawn and Great Barrier Island.
Surely there was no-one there who dressed in bright acrylic and slammed kebabs into a face?
I am definitely going back, in fact I want to be there now.
Right now.
Look at this picture below I took of the bay through the trees._