martynsadler
Posted: 01.43 July 01, 2004

Next, Janey will be telling us she bumped into Rhys Ifans....

Jimmy Two Lumps
Posted: 03.00 July 01, 2004

Janey, one day everyone will want to marry you...

But if you ever steal a Billy Bonker line again I'll kill you!

Cuntdown is progressing to this id being banned!

janey godley
Posted: 10.33 July 01, 2004

Ha ha ha Two lumps!

A Billy Bonker line? For those who dont know Billy Bonkers is a wonderful comic/promoter of legendary proportions in Glasgow, love him.

QUOTE: Next, Janey will be telling us she bumped into Rhys Ifans....

WELL YES I DID!

I had drinks with him last night, at DEYA the lovely new Michael Caine/Pultze retaurant near Marble arch. Monica looks after the launch and PR there and is mates with Mr Ifans, so it was not really a coincedental meeting!

he is adorable and is coming to see my preview show here in London.
I called Ashley to tell her I met him as she is a big fan of his, but she was just annoyed with me. She told me she is piss sick of me meeting popstars and fanous actors when she is stuck in shitty Glasgow working in a call center, but on the other hand I am not there to annoy here as she goes clubbing everynight!

Slept well and was glad the nightmares are gone for a while (whispers me incase they come back)

I had some pretty scary ones lying in that tent at Glastonbury, I was worried I screamed and scared people but after the noise Sadowitz was making I am a wee mouse in comparison!

Loving the sun and enjoying walking around with a bit of a tan that I got at Pilton!

Met the lovely Josie and Mr Belgrave last night, so nice to catch up with nice comedy people in London.

db brown
Posted: 22.51 July 01, 2004

On a similar note Scott & the Classic team just won first place in the 48 hour film challenge.

Tis a week for celebrations!

janey godley
Posted: 13.27 July 03, 2004

I was lying there all slippy and warm, the most gorgeous young black man was stroking my back with warm fragrant oils..."Turn over " he said...I was ready..Mmmmmm..

"You want vour room cleeened today?"

A foriegn voice shouted through the door.

I look up, no cute fit black boy, just the harsh light of Earls Court Square blinding me.Give me back my dream!

"Oh Fuck it, NO I dont want my room cleaned, I want to go back to my dream and find the boy with lavender oil" I shout back.

"I no understand, I leave you towels" the woman shouts too loudly through my hotel door.

I scramble quickly beneath the warm covers, snuggle back into my sleep position and close my eyes.

"Hi-de-hi, I am here" Sue Pollard smiles at me with bright red lipstick.

me-"Fuck off have you seen a naked black nineteen year old carrying a huge erection and baby oil?"

Sue Pollard-"No, do you want your room cleaned?"

me-"NO i want sex with that man who you chased away ya fucker"

Fuck it, I get up out of bed and stomp around the room trying to organise things for a shower. a Cold shower!

Well at least its better than the scary dreams.

Went along to the Comedy Store last night to have birthday drink with the lovely Brett from B&G, there was a great new act - Jason Manford, he was awesome! I loved his stuff and he is so nice to meet. Destined for greater things I believe. he handled the raucous crowd with ease and paced his whole act without being flustered! GOOD LAD! He was also very fucking funny!

Called Ashley last night to tell her thanks for doing my blog and congratulate her on the new job, although the posting she made about "losing her virginity" did traumatise me and other bloggers (Jason Mumford being one of them as he told me) even though it turns out to be her " tele sales virginity"
it freaked me out! She is a wee monkey!

I do miss her rotten, she is having fun fun fun...out dancing every other night and kissing boys..yummy for her!

I was married at her age and trying to work out how to use a pressure cooker, make curtains and learning how to change the co2 on the lager barrels in the pub. So good on her!

Have had many emails regarding this BLOG especially all the guys and girls in hawaii who log on each day from the Hertz office and send me emails if I am late in blogging! Apparently I am a Scottish sopa opera!

I would swap that for Hawaii !

Ok all will chat tomorrow....keep well.

Grant
Posted: 14.12 July 03, 2004

It's the only thing worth reading on Chortle these days.

janey godley
Posted: 13.48 July 04, 2004

Cheers Grant, thanks!
Ashley is well, I am spotty and husband seems to have forgotten I exist! I called him

husband-"Hello? who is this?"

me-"Your wife, me Janey, look at your phone and you will see my name come up ya aspergic fanny"

Husband-" It just says ASHLEYS MUM, it does not give your name" he laughed softly "so what is your name then?"

me-"Ok how many women bore your child, A child called Ashley? Eh? Now say my name"

husband (sings)-"Say my name say my name" That was a song eh?"

me-"I hate you and want you to die in a horrible fire"

husband-"Ha ha, I knew it was you all along!"

me-"Ok you are mad, how is life without me eh?"

husband-" Fine , cleaner to be honest and less shite music blaring, less towels wet in the bathroom, less food being eaten and less cash being spent from my account why? how is life without me?"

me-" less honest but ok, I miss ya"

Had a nice gig at Amused Moose last night, I think Hils is way cool, she is a woman of a certain age working in comedy and doing well, trust me that is an acheivement!

Her gig is always busy and well run as far as I am concerned.
Went to a party last night and danced/laughed/talked until 6am, finally crawled from a cab into my hotel bed at 6-30am, so i have just really woke up! I am getting too old for all that.

Was nice in a way as I got chatted up by a young guy aged 20 years old....that always happens i am Mrs Robinson! its official ! The younger they are-the more attractive I become!

I am not doing young boys, i get the feeling i would have to stand naked in a bedroom with a flipchart and overhead projector pointing out the right parts to touch and giving him hints on how to do "it", so I am sorry but I am not doing 'lessons' and anyway because I stood in front of a priest 24 years ago and said 'I DO' apparently that means I can never have sex with anyone else ever again!

Yes I know ...what are Catholics like?

Especially the fact that the priest that married me turned out to be a secret IRA terrorist and ran away from Glasgow...I still dont know if he was actually a legal priest! Fucking hell...I may not be married...where is that young boy, I have a flip chart as we speak!

I am doing my Edinburgh preview tonight, the whole show, well I dont actually have a show as you all know I just chat a bit.
speak tomorrow

Ps (hello to all the guys in Culver City! Thanks for emails!)

Jmanford
Posted: 15.36 July 04, 2004

I love the variations I get on my name, Mumford being my new favourite. I've had Mansford, Mountford, Mansfield I've even had Mahmood, but never Mumford! It was lovely to meet you too Janey, I had a lovely night at the Store, topped off by the racist guy getting beat up by a Geordie during Inder's act. Don' t these people know the rules by now, never fight with a Geordie!
Hope your Edinburgh show goes well, will hopefully catch it in the last week of Edinburgh.

Take care,

Jason

janey godley
Posted: 12.12 July 05, 2004

Jason I fixed your name so now your post looks futile!

Good Luck and thanks!

The preview went well, I sat there and knew that i had absolutley no real idea where I was going with the new stuff I have, but it all fell into place!

Punching Nuns seems to be a favourite!

I was concerned that some of the subjects I talk about, I have talked about before BUT the difference is I talk about them differently and have new angles on them for example..
I used to talk breifly about child abuse

Now I actually tell the truth about what happened to the man that did it and where we buried his body parts...it really is funny! Its not everyone that gets to end up a human jigsaw.

Although the audience were not really sure if I was telling the truth???? Mmmm?

I also go into better details about the guns and explosives
story.

I am glad it worked on the night,I love making people laugh about stuff that normally shouldnt be funny.

Went staright to a mates house from gig and we went onto a party in Windsor. The amount of class A drugs was fucking scary and I am a Glasweigan! I was appalled!

There was a guy offering GBH which is technically "Date Rape Drug" MMMmm?

Him- "Take some its really good, you need to drink three big gulps to get a hit"

me-"No thanks I dont want to wake up and its wednesday and I have been anally attacked, anyway, I have done rape years ago, its not that fashionable anymore, so is rape the new sex? I am not very cosmopolitan I am Scottish"

him-"Weirdo"

me-"I am not offering people rape drugs so why I am I a weirdo?"

him-"Dont know, what a line of coke?"

me-"No"

It was fun and I am all for everyone enjoying life and drugs, fucksake its not my business what anyone else does. I wrote and performed a play last year called "Point of Yes" all about heroin killing my seventeen mates! I have seen some shit in my life, live nad let live..or die whatever!

Ashley is well and happy, husband is enjoying peacefulness from me. Its my daddy's birthday soon, I miss him as well.

I am lucky, I have a good family, great parents (lovely stepmum) and healthy child.
Life is ok today.

Anthony Miller
Posted: 12.35 July 05, 2004

I told you you need to widen your circle of friends.

Arthur Daley
Posted: 13.10 July 05, 2004

Quote (janey godley @ 12.12 July 05, 2004)
I am all for everyone enjoying life and drugs, fucksake its not my business what anyone else does.

Very sensible too, my dear. Nobody likes a grass.

Paulie Paul N.
Posted: 14.07 July 05, 2004

Why does your site list "London Gigs", when they aren't all London (eg Petersfield tonight). Why not just "Gigs"?

janey godley
Posted: 12.23 July 06, 2004

Arthur how right you are, I am not a grass but its all cool because the party in Windsor was catering people and no one in comedy would ever know them! I only talk generally NEVER name names!

Sorry about my gigs being called LONDON gigs but it was because I was based in LONDON during this tour and I miss called it that...its a bit like British Airways calling Prestwick Airport -GLASGOW PRESTWICK! so I am sorry.


Had a nice gig in Petersfield. The boss left his pushbike outside and I jumped on it for a quick ride (the only ride I have had in London so far) and I braked too quickly and came off the saddle and the sharpness off his brakes forced the saddle into my bum, i knew this trip would end in anal rape, just didnt know when it would happen.

I was fine! The crowd were lovely and Geaorge Best was there, he watched me MC then he sat outside. I had a chat with him and he is genuinely the nicest bloke i have met drunk-(trust me i have met a lot of drunks when i owned a bar)

His female companion was interesting and he was clearly besotted by her so i asked him "So George what attracted you to this Dutch six foot tall teenager?"

He laughed his ass off.

He looks and feels a very vulnerable person and i felt the need to protect him..I dont know why..he just looks like a naughty child!

I had interview with Scottish press regarding my Fringe show, they seem very interested in my guns and ammunition story, I think I will be in Jail before August, lets hope the police see the funny side to my side of the story.

oh well...

well done to Inder Manoocha (sorry if spelling wrong) and Andrew Clover also Glynn the new act...they all did very brilliantly last night and made me stay on my comedy toes.

Arthur Daley
Posted: 12.35 July 06, 2004

Quote (janey godley @ 12.23 July 06, 2004)
Arthur how right you are, I am not a grass but its all cool because the party in Windsor was catering people and no one in comedy would ever know them! I only talk generally NEVER name names!

You're one of our own.

janey godley
Posted: 10.10 July 07, 2004

The weather here is awesome..I LOVE LONDON!

I have a bit of a tan and been lying around the park enjoying sunshine. Got to borrow my mates bike and have peddaling around the place, I am getting rid of my fat wobbly ass!

Been to see Diana's "Ring o' Water" it looks ok and I suspect that soon some wee child will fall in, bang their head and die. They say it represents parts of her life, for example where the water goes fast that signify's her "Turbulent" period.

I suspect where the water rushes quickly that represents her "Bulimic" period as it looks like gushing vomit and I still want to see the part of the "Ring o' Water" that represents her hiding young guys in the boot of her car and fucking them....??

There is a bit of the ring where the water cascades down short steps and I think that personifies the time she was pregnant with William and threw herself down the stairs for attention because Prince Charles ignored her new hairstyle as he went to a Polo Match.

I may be wrong?

When I die I want a huge phallic symbol erected in my honour inside my coffin, placed sensitively so that grieving friends cannot see it and have it upset them. Maybe just put it inside my vagina? I dont know I am guessing? It will be nice to arrive in Heaven's waiting room with it inserted, even Jesus would smile as he considered my case for entry to heaven, and it would keep me occupied in the queue as all those who know me well, I hate queue's and get antsy waiting.

Have some more gigs to do this week. I am enjoying the trip and getting to do my stuff.
Ashley is fine and well and working hard. Husband is husband as always, he never really changes and seems to always have a level headed attitude to life and copes well.

I am an attention seeking cow who needs to stop annoying him.

Quite dissapointed that I never met anyone globally famous yesterday!

I am off to go a bike in the sunshine!

talk soon..

Arthur Daley
Posted: 10.40 July 07, 2004

Quote (janey godley @ 10.10 July 07, 2004)
When I die I want a huge phallic symbol erected in my honour inside my coffin

Funny you should say that. I may be able to help you there...

I've just got in a collection of sexual aids for your more portly lady. PM me.

janey godley
Posted: 15.13 July 07, 2004

Ok I am not yet in the "PORTLY FITTING SECTION" !

Thanks Arfur' but I am actually not a big fat burd' and even if i was why would that suggest I had a "Oversized vag" that needed Big Sex Toys!

To point out a very obscure fact and actually one of my favourite quotes...When I went to clinic for smear test I was told (and I quote)

"You have a surprisingly tight vagina for a woman who has had a child" Sadie McDade district nurse Glasgow

Now I wanted to put THAT quote on my poster! PR people disagreed!

Since I spoke about the wonderful weather in London....the wind is now whipping up and i got hit by a falling branch in Kensington Park...it was like a scene out of Damian Omen II as the sky darkened and the clouds rolled over and the wind raked the park, throwing up leaves and sticks..I ran for shelter, a big jaggy branch fell onto my back...it will be the ghost of Diana getting me back for being cruel about her today!

Bring it on bitch!! I can deal with it!

Anthony Miller
Posted: 15.31 July 07, 2004

Quote (janey godley @ 15.13 July 07, 2004)
Bring it on bitch!! I can deal with it!

So what do you think Patrick Troughton should have done to stop being speared by a falling lightening conductor?

janey godley
Posted: 11.34 July 08, 2004

I am fucking fed up with the rain...I mean one minute San Tropez the next---I am swimming through the streets of west Hampstead...fucking hell..Sunburn/pneumonia wot is that about?

Gigs are going fine and enjoying the work but am tired now and want to go home ....not in a sad needy way, just geting freaked out waking up in hotel room and still taking time to figure where the fuck I am. I feel as though husband and Ashley have actually packed up and left, i will go home to a note saying

"We hated you and took this opportunity to fuck off, now you cant follow us"

They seem to be very happy and I need everyone in my life to be sad when I am away, I need them to cry for me and weep with the pain of separation...seems thats just me doing that, every time I call, the whole house sounds like National Lampoon's Vacation in the background...music is turned down, conversations are hurried and short...words like..

"What is it Mum? Hang on...(shouts to her dad) Dad..hahha show Vickie how you can body pop..Sorry Mum but dad is dancing for us..(shouts to dad) Dad! get more ice from the freezer for Bloody Marys..Hellooo Mum we have to go our favourite song is on...(shouts to dad) Dad put the music up...bye Mum . he is too busy to chat call later eh?"

I sit and imagine the whole world is happy because I am not there...I am paraniod!

Had bad dreams last night, I was small again and tried to hide under the stairs as the bad man hunted for me, he slammmed doors open, he ranted and stomped throughout the big house. I was sitting in a wet nightdress, trying to make my legs small and folded my body into a wee corner.I kept my eyes shut as I heard his foot steps getting closer, he was calling my name "Janey..Janey"

My nails dug into my palms and my heart was beating loudly, I felt a draught as he opened the cupboard door..

He found me.

The rest you dont need to know.

Grant
Posted: 15.39 July 08, 2004

Talking of deconstructing song lyrics and making Janey paranoid.

Everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you -

you quite possibly have, Janey.

Are you on your way back? It's getting cloudy.

sorry.

janey godley
Posted: 12.06 July 09, 2004

Thanks Grant!

Slept well last night and that was good, finally got to have jungle sex with Brad Pitt..yumm..

Bought new summer sandals last week and wore them for a night out with Monica, (who can wear six inch heels any day or night, that woman can handle six inches like no one else, she says its the only way she gets to deal with six inches actually but thats another story!) Anyway I wore these high wedge sandals and my toes are bleeding and swollen, I think I am destined to wear trainers and sensible shoes forever.

I hate that as I am small and need a bit of height.

I feel as if I am in a weird twilight world, I need all my clothes washed, my bag is a mess and my hotel room resembles something from the room out of "Trainspotting", I need a man to organise me.!!

Can u fucking believe I just said that, after moaning all my life about a man who organises and tidies my mess I now know I need him! I am screwed!

I think husband has got bored and taken up with a new more exciting woman who has tame hair and less cellulite, she probably shares his love of binary numbers and they both have great sex then talk about their shared interest of the shipping forecast on radio 4 or worldservice..I dont fucking know...

I bet she is tall and blonde and skinny and wears flowery dresses, she probably cooks "goulash and pot roasts" I bet Ashley loves her because she is a conventional mum and not one who bears her breast up against the tv screen so that Matt from Busted can appear to be licking her nipples.
I bet she dusts down the welsh dresser and irons clothes with fragranced lavender water.

Bet she DOESNT have my "surprisingly tight vagina"..I bet she wear Femfresh and smelly stuff and hates the mention of me.

Ok I think i took that insecure paranoid fear too far..Husband is doing a grand job of looking after Ashley and Vickie (Ashley best mate who has moved in) and tolerates my late night phonecalls and rants.

I am good and looking forward to my preview show tonight.

Lets hope that after I reveal the guns story and how we got off with it, I manage to stay out of jail.
speak later!

janey godley
Posted: 15.20 July 09, 2004

Got some feedback from the Richmond preview I did.

To give you some background on it, I tell the audience how I got out of being jailed for possesing guns and amunition, what i explain is actually illegal and seriously dodgy...a policeman was there and told me this. He left the show before it was over.

I got an email today from him through my website,he mentioned that was I was saying on stage is dangerous!

How I laughed!

I tell the audience NOT to tell anyone how I did get off the charges when they leave the show...a bit like MOUSETRAP but with semtex.

Oh well, "Fisting in Holloway Prison" will be my new show for next year!

jonmc2003
Posted: 17.48 July 09, 2004

Janey, dont worry, if you get put in jail, we will start a FREE JANEY campaign.
I am sure your husband will never be able to replace you, except by taking acid and a really strange trip.

janey godley
Posted: 16.45 July 10, 2004

Bad dream night,hate running that much in my sleep.

Woke up exhausted, called husband who always sees the good side of everything.
me-" I had a really bad scary nightmare"

Husband-"Thats good coz it shows you have a great imagination and it works so vividly"

me-"But I see the blood and feel the pain, a man was slicing my flesh with an open razor"

husband-" Wish I could imagine and dream as vividly as you, you have an awesome capacity to create"

me-"I hate it and feel scared, I wake up shouting and screaming"

husband-" Was there famous people in your dreams? You are lucky that must be like getting to see a really good movie without paying, you have free movie channel in your head"

me-"Yes but I FUCKING DIE in it, it is horrible are you listening?"

husband-" Your phonebill arrived this morning"

me-"Bye then" ....I hung up.

Even i dont the imagination to talk my way out of that one.

Wimbledon preview show went fine. I have realised that the more i try to structure the act the more i stifle myself, so am resigned to chatting and story telling without rigidity.

Rigidity is only good during sex...that's official.

wish I could stop thinking about sex. I am home in five days and counting.

Raining in london again, cleaned my hotel room and did a washing, sorted out all my reciepts.
Monica and I went out last night to Atlantic bar, its not as good as it used to be, the security staff are no longer present, which I liked as they did give me a good feeling of security. Or maybe I just like big men in suits offering to look after me?

The music was good and we sat in Dicks bar chatting and dancing to the music. there is now a unisex toilet. i was unaware it was unisex and had a wee fiddle at my boobs and fixed my bra, I looked up in the mirror to see four men staring at me.

"Do you need help?" one asked.

me(blushing)-"No thanks"

him-"Can i snort some coke off your breast?"

me-"Eh..no but thanks for that"

That never happened on Ally McBeal unisex toilets.Or maybe it did, but you could snort coke off her breasts as they are sheer and flat, mine are mini mountains and technically it would be difficult to achieve a straight snort on my slopes.

ok too much details I know!

janey godley
Posted: 11.17 July 11, 2004

Had a lazy day for a Saturday, went for a late breakfast with Monica. We laughed at the Friday night events recalling the huge Black men who sat opposite us at that club the previous night. All of them constantly paying homage to the BIG DUDE sitting on the sofa like a big "yardie Budda" Every now and then he pulled out a big dirty pink towelling face cloth and wipe himself down! He was sweating like a paedophille on a bouncy castle.

There was a young skinny white woman who danced around him and kissed him and snuggled up to him, Monica and I both deducted that she never had to ever buy shoes or pay rent in her life.

Monica and I smiled coyly and giggled whenever any of the Black men of Gigantic Size caught our eye! I did not want to die that early in the evening!

After a while the big Yardie Budda man leaned over caught my attention and gestured me to approach (Shit i will laugh loud and be killed I thought)

Him-"Come with us"

Me (Fuck is it a religion?)- "No thanks I have to work in the morning"

at this point the wee skinny white female pleaded and implore me with here eyes as if to say "Please I cant fuck them ALL alone"

him-"Ignore work, what do you do anyway"

me-" I am a journalist"

him-"Ok fuck off"

Hurrah! the last thing I wanted was to be fisted by twelve angry black men under the influence of drugs or even worse...under NO influence!

So Monica and I sat and laughed about the whole thing.

Loved the gig in Hampstead, Ivor is a GOD!

His style of comedy and dry wit really is the best. I enjoyed the gig, I like doing the wee 20 minutes slots.I had a good laugh with the crowd.

Went home to hotel for an early night.

This morning around 6am i woke with vomit in my mouth (lovely I know) it was awful, I managed to be a wee bit sick and fell back asleep then again it happened at 7am-ish, i wasnt sick but keep having that refluxy acid thing.

I am going to docs when I get home. Yukk.

I hate anything wrong with me as I blow it up into gigantic proportions...maybe I have stomahc cancer? (see i just did it)

ok am going to buy Gaviscon from chemist in case it happens tonight. The last thing I wa t to wake up with is something in my mouth that I dont like...I could go to Yardie Parties and have that happen.

janey godley
Posted: 11.44 July 12, 2004

I am tired amd want to go home NOW!

I have a corporate gig tomorrow that I have to do and tonight I am going to final of Funny Women at Comedy store.

I go home Wednesday, I really cant wait.I hate the world turning without me.

Met an old mate yesterday, he is only 19 years old and has had a big epiphany and is "With the Lord Jesus"...He is a "Committed" Christian -oh dear he is under the mental health act as well as he walked the streets bare footed talking in tongues ( See the connection?) and really believes there is a big "Get to be Jesus competition" going on around the world, he is so happy as he thinks he is a serious contender! I wanted to hug him and told him to go home to South Africa, he said he couldnt as he has to take part in the "get to be jesus" thing.

I asked him if my daughter can take part in the "Get to be Jesus Competition" She is taking a year out before she goes to drama school. it may be interesting for her.

him-"How can a woman be Jesus.?? dont be silly Janey only men can be God"

me-"Ok thats why I dont like him, no women on the gig EVER"

him-"Mary Magdalene got to be in his story"

me-"Yes she was the hooker/love interest, fuck off"

Tonight I am going to see lots of women on a gig, none of them trying to be Jesus, thats the mens thing, we just try to be funny.

db brown
Posted: 14.20 July 12, 2004

If I get to be Jesus do I gotta wear sandals?

Go home and learn to cook Janey, it is Gods will.

Heh heh.

Vaughan and Andre say HELLO!

Jimmy Two Lumps
Posted: 14.56 July 12, 2004

Quote (janey godley @ 11.44 July 12, 2004)
Tonight I am going to see lots of women on a gig, none of them trying to be Jesus, thats the mens thing, we just try to be funny.

There was a famous model, whose name I can't remember, a few years back who gave up everything to become "Jesus". It is a standard psychological condition that can affect anyone, usually if they take enough drugs...

janey godley
Posted: 17.40 July 12, 2004

DB I am not going home to learn to cook, you know this!

I am shite cook...

had a bad day.

After i did blog this morning, i went back to hotel and slept for five hours with blinding headache. Weird mental dreams interspersed with random phone calls...fuck knows what i said to anyone who called today..I was mumbling for Scotland.

Am looking forward to hugging my wee baby, Ashley..I just chatted with her on MSN, she still makes me smile.

I miss her heaps. Miss husband and miss my house and miss moaning and sucking everyones life out as i demand all the attention in the world.

I do exhaust everyone (I feel) because I am an attention seeking fucker!

Oh well.

Hi Vaughan and Andre! Lovley blokes from NZ!

janey godley
Posted: 00.22 July 14, 2004

I have just recovered from a migriane/brain tumour that lasted 27 hours. I cried all during the night with the pain. I awokw this morning and dragged my sorry arse out to a corporate gig with a blinding stabbing fucking EVIL headache/tumour-ish pain.

The gig was a private afrter dinner speakers gig, there was two NUNS and a PRIEST there which i did not expect. The pain did not subside and i managed to amke them all laugh (although i did ask the priest to explain why Jesus made wasps)

I left there and went in a LONG HOT car journey to Kent to have video made of me for televison purposes. I cried in the hot car and managed to strip myself of my entire outfit which included tights/boots and shirt!

I changed into a tee shirt and struggled to apologise to John Fleming (man who edits my book and promotes/helps with my comedy) He was very helpful and made all the right noises as I moaned and held my head the entire journey.

After 27 hours the headache subsided.

Went up to the wibbly wobbly for pub quiz we WON!

I am home tomorrow and cannot wait.

I need to get my leaking sore brain scanned soon, i think i may have an anureysim or tumour or something equally scary...cant just be a migraine><

janey godley
Posted: 17.21 July 14, 2004

hurrah I am HOME!

Journey was fine, headache is a far distant memory and my wee girl is as beautiful as I remember.

Food is good, house is clean and I have had a shower and sex.!!

Life is good.

Talk later!

Anthony Miller
Posted: 17.28 July 14, 2004

Quote (janey godley @ 00.22 July 14, 2004)
Went up to the wibbly wobbly for pub quiz we WON!

Do you live down the Wibbly Wobbly Barge way then?

Hank
Posted: 17.36 July 14, 2004

What Surrey Quays?

I dunna think so!

janey godley
Posted: 20.04 July 14, 2004

Ok Anthony just in case you have never read the BLOG I live in Glasgow. I was in London doing my preview shows and press stuff. I am home now.

Janey!

janey godley
Posted: 21.11 July 14, 2004

finally good to relax. Feel the blog has gone a bit odd and moany last few days. I think i got a bit homesick and needy.

I got the dustcover of the book I have written, Ebury press sent the "Mock covers" over to me when I was in London. It was odd seeing it in my hands as it kinda makes me feel that it is real. Not just a rumour. I am really stressed worrying about the book (will it be shite? Can I write?) but too late now, I suppose!

Brendon Burns had a look at the cover and was the first person to see something in the front cover picture that I thought only I knew, so it was good to see someone else get "it". Some like the cover others are unsure, but nothing is set in stone yet. Husband did not read it or look at it as he is determined NOT to read anything of the book whatsoever. Ashley is excited. She cannot wait to see it on shelves in book stores!

I am off to get my hair done tommorow as I have a big photo shoot and interview with Sunday Herald for Fringe article.

Also am writing a diary for Big Issue on a weekly basis towards Fringe.

Am very pleased with press I got in London, the very interesting article by Malcolm Hay in Time Out was awesome.

I was very happy with the radio 4 show "Up late at Glastonbury" where I got some nice stage time and funky interview with Jenny Eclair.

So all is working ok just now, I am loving getting my show ready for Edinburgh and have had great comments from those who saw it in London.

Thanks to those who put the effort in to see my preview show and give me good feedback.

superfurryandy
Posted: 23.15 July 14, 2004

Janey - you've upset a nun!

The Reverend Sister Judith Blackburn of London E2, to be precise.

She's written in to Time Out stating that your article left her speechless, but not keyboardless apparently - she's "fed up with people talking about 'religious' as describing people who are abusers, thick or not right in the head" - the sentence doesn't make sense but I don't know if that's her or Time Out. I would quote more, but it's predictable shite.

Grant
Posted: 04.13 July 15, 2004

Quote (janey godley @ 21.11 July 14, 2004)
It was odd seeing it in my hands as it kinda makes me feel that it is real. Not just a rumour.

It's real alright.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0091900298/

janey godley
Posted: 10.22 July 15, 2004

Great I have annoyed a nun!

Can someone send me the piece by email?

Am very tired and have to get up and get my hair done today for photo shoot...cant bear to let anyone see the curly mental natural hair that descends into an AFRO after 20 minutes! Think my great great Granny liked big African men...Mmmmm so do I , so thats two parts of her DNA that I have!

Slept like a wee fat baby but did get a bit of a scare when I woke stuck to a man!

Hurrahh...s'ok t'was my husband..(hate when I wake up and cant figure out who the guy is..JOKING!)

My house was very clean, this freaked me a wee bit, the case is unpacked and I am looking forward to doing my Jongleurs gigs (MC)this weekend in Glasgow.

Anthony Miller
Posted: 10.29 July 15, 2004

Quote (janey godley @ 20.04 July 14, 2004)
Ok Anthony just in case you have never read the BLOG I live in Glasgow.

Sorry lost the plot. However, it sounds to me that you actually live in your car - like the "venus de milage" © Steve Day

janey godley
Posted: 12.23 July 15, 2004

Actually I dont drive...but again..COOL!

I am still hoping someone can send me the Time Out nun reply? Thanks

Alex
Posted: 12.51 July 15, 2004
If no-one else has done it by tonight I'll do a copy for you when I get in. From what I remember the nun can't abide Time out advertising a person who "attacks minorities"... and you wouldn't be allowed to do it if they were muslim... Or something that. BTW, thanks for the previews while you were in London, really good - and great feedback from all in the audiences I've spoken too.

janey godley
Posted: 15.45 July 15, 2004
T
Thanks Alex, am Glad previews went really well, hope my show does.
I got the Time Out letter thanks everyone.

janey godley
Posted: 01.00 July 16, 2004

well i did indeed upset a Nun called Miss Blackburn!

How cool is that?
Maybe she is pissed off because being married to God and thousands of other woman claiming to be his wife can get fucking annoying!

Never understood that whole "Bride of God" shite...ever!

Never understood why the so called "Brides of God" were given children to look after either..fucking weird if you ask me, priests as well, the very people who can never procreate given wee kids to befriend and help... a fucking recipe for disaster if ever i saw one.

When you see Nuns standing outside shops rattling a can, thats so they can buy more big nails to put in sticks to whack kids with!

Incidentally i slag off the Orange Lodge Order as well, my Uncle (The paeodeophile) was a die hard Protestant Orange man, fucking nutters all of them!

My interview with Sunday herald seemed to go well, they took some great pics, one was of me in handcuffs! The article is for Sunday Herald Magazine on 25th July.

Hope they pick the picture of me in handcuffs that will be really cool..? sexy? maybe?

anyways, I am off to dream about burning priests,

Jimmy Two Lumps
Posted: 01.32 July 16, 2004

I was poked in the ribs by a nun once - that scarred me for life I can tell you ... I never spelt "irrelevant" incorrectly again.

janey godley
Posted: 16.07 July 16, 2004

I am happy. Am working hard this month, July has been hectic. First the London previews, then the Liverpool gig next week and Jongleurs this weekend. I am still writing the Big Issue diary and doing interviews for Edinburgh press/show.

Still adding bits to the book Handstands...need to get the end tightened up.

Ashley is no longer working at call centre as the job was temp work, she has taken to lying in her bed and lazily doing chores when it suits her.

I do feel really sorry for her in a way, she is now officially an adult, she is a grown woman and now has to go work to earn her crust whilst she waits to go to Drama school next year, but at the same time she is just a wee child to me and i get a bit fussed over her nightly clubbing excursions.

I need to chill out, she can stay out as long as she wants, and does not have to keep telling me where she has been. I find it hard to let go!

Husband is annoyed to back tteth of me maoning about his radio that stays on ALL FUCKING NIGHT !

Husband-"When you leaving again? I am fed up with your moaning"

me-"Fucking shut the window and turn off that radio, I cant sleep with the noise and cold"

husband-" When are you leaving? Hurry up August...moany woman"

me-" Fuck off"

So all is normal in the Godley World of ME!
Husband is fed up with me, Ashley is fed up with me....my work is done!

janey godley
Posted: 13.27 July 17, 2004

mental dreams dragged me through till morning. I woke up sticky and sweating, scared to breathe loud in case the terror was there in my bedroom.
I reached over one hand and felt husband lying there..

husband-"You ok? You were screaming a bit, I tried to wake you but was scared to touch you as I know you hate being touched when you are asleep"

me-"I'm ok now...did I wake you?"

husband-"Yeah about six o'clock you started, I lie here and get frightened it's me you are dreaming of, me you are running from in your sleep"

me-"No it was an evil looking thing, not you...you are tall and have dimples, this thing had none and wanted to burn me"

I laugh trying to reassure him .

husband-"Well i should have been a better man years ago, I should never have hurt you, I fucking live with so many regrets"

me-"Thats ok I am slowly getting you back"

I hug him tight, because i know he has his own shit to deal with, our marriage has never been one of those "Made In Heaven" more of a "Fucking hell why dont you two split up?" kinda arrangements.

I got up and showered and came out to him holding me a china cup (he likes bone China) full of freshly ground coffee with three sweeteners, just the way i like it..

me-"Thanks, I love that you look after me"

husband-"Too late, probably" he muttered.

Maybe it is? I dont know but today I need to go visit MIJ...my nutty brother and trust me, if ever a BLOG is in need of fun then this one is and MIJ is the man to provide me with that fun.
Talk later.

janey godley
Posted: 02.43 July 18, 2004

The trip out to Grangemouth to see Mij was a bit diificult. i got us lost twice, Dad was in the back and husband was driving, I was chief navigator. I talked so much to Dad that I missed the turn off and husband got annoyed with me.

Finally arrived after 3pm, Mij was on good form, he hasnt saw Dad in a while. My dad is quite old and not up to visits with my brother, his eldest son.

Mij has been through various problems with his addiction and HIV helath issues. He knows himself that dad doesnt really understand the whole "Drug" culture. To my dad smoking hash is deathly and is the same as smoking Crack...he comes from different times.

Mij was really happy to see us, I was pissed off because some looney junkie was there, he had red short hair and so did his DOG! Yes he managed to have a red haired fucking loopy limbed dog!

I looked at the guy and nodded my head to the door, he just stared at me and never moved. I wanted him to go outside so that Mij and my dad could have some time together. Also my dad is very private and really doesnt need to feel uncomfortable with his son in front of a ginger haired drug fucked red haired dog owner.

I caught his eye again and said "Come outside and bring the dog,he may need a pee"

Ginger boy-" No its ok he peed earlier"

me-"Ok, lets go outside coz I want to talk to you"

ginger boy-"Ok what about?"

me-"Move ya wanker"

and at this my dad looked round as there had been a lull in the conversation between him and Mij.

Dad-"Whats wrong?"

I had to think quick.

me-"Wanker is the dogs name, I was trying to get it outside as it looks like it needs a pee"

Dad looked incredulous at the ginger boy-"Is your dog really called wanker?"

Ginger boy looks at me now with impending fear as I gesticulate with a hand behind my dads back that I was going to slit his throat

Ginger boy-"Aye, its called wanker" he spoke.

He got up and dragged 'wanker' with him towards me and the door.

Mij was too busy looking at the case of clothes and stuff Dad had brought him to notice the whole situation.

Myself and ginger boy end up in the garden, watching 'wanker' pee all over the grass.

I felt the need to explain why I was anxiuos about getting him out of Mij's house.

Me-"listen, my dad needs to talk to his son in peace, who are you anyway?"

Ginger boy-" Steven, I am a good pal of your brother, he talks about you all the time, he said you were really funny and cheeky, he was right eh?"

me-"What is your dog called then"
I was playing with the big lanky red haired labrador.

Ginger boy-"His name is 'Masturbation' actually" he looked at me and smiled a broad gapped tooth smile.

me-"Ha ha thats cool"

I liked his sense of humour, not many people get me, he did!

Ginger Boy-" No really his name is Rex.. he likes you eh?"

The dog was now jumping up and all over me, trying to get the piece of rope out of my hands. I ran around the garden screaming and laughing as Rex clawed my back and arms, desperate to bite the dirty rope I held aloft.

Soon my dad came out with Mij, they looked good and happy.

I knew how traumatic it is for my dad to see Mij at times. My brother can be very destructive and difficult at times, but today he was in good spirits.

I said goodbye to my brother, and his red haired friends.

All in all it was a good day.

I have scratches all up my arms and on my back, but I like dogs even one's called Wanker!

I miss my dog. I think back to Major, my old dog when I was a child. He was the true love of my life! I hope I dream about him tonight, get to stroke his wiry coat and run fast through the park with him, till my side hurts with a stitch. Major comes back to me in good dreams. He was my protector, when my uncle who had been abusing me would enter our home Major would attack him and get beaten for his aggresion towards family. The dog would be kicked under the kitchen table, I would crawl under with him and rub his ribs and whisper "Thanks Major" into his pointy ears. He would look at me and blink and lick my face, bury his head into my arm pit and stay there for a while. He got kicked every time he bit my uncle but he never once gave up doing it and snapped at that paedeohpile's heels until Major died in my arms in 1975.

Wish the Uncle had died and not the dog.

Dogs know bad people I think.

I miss Major, I am off to dream, but hope the Uncle doesnt creep into my big screen dream machine, I need that fucker out of my head, only good things tonight...Please God? Just my dog? Please?

janey godley
Posted: 14.15 July 18, 2004

Hurrah I had dreams of Major my dog!

I can dream to order...how fucking exciting.

He was so alive and vivid in the dream, his head was damp from running in the rain and he has two white spots of fur above his eyes. His distinctive bark, (he always barked twice quickly and stopped only doing it in short two bark bursts, like a code which I loved as a wee girl, I loved codes)

i love when my imagination takes me places I like in my sleep..or maybe he really was there and I really got to play with him again? Who knows?

So anyway I got up and Ashley was cleaning the house for me, (she is a good girl) I stood at the kitchen cupboard and tried to open my cereal cupboard door and IT FELL OFF AND LANDED ON MY FUCKING TOE!

I have a big bruised fat toe and I cried on the floor. Ashley fussed over me and when I stopped howling she told me she was scared coz I looked like the woman from the Exorcist !

Oh well, fat toed Godley has stuff to do and is planning tonights dream of wild sex with George Clooney and that wee skinny boy from Blue..

No doubt it will all be fucked up and I will have a scary rape nightmare and everyone in the house will be quiet and there will be no escape or hope of waking...noise will be kept to a minimum!

BUT when I DO have sex addled dreams and its all going wild and horny...OH YES radio blares, Ashley slams doors. outside dogs bark, horns and alarms wake me up...everything will WAKE me when its a sex dream.....but the world seems to whisper when its a bad dream? Eh?

How does that happen?

janey godley
Posted: 01.41 July 19, 2004

The toe is now BLACK! Ouch and ouch more...I have the dentist also at midday later today..Like I need more pain! Tried sleeping and couldnt...so now it is 1;34am and i will NOT listen to "Westway" on Worldservice BBC shite. Husband can go die..I wish he would turn that fucking radio OFF there is no reason to have it on all night. I knew i should never have married him, it should be against the law to get married as a teenager, fucking would have saved me and Princess Diana a lot of time and heartache.

Teenagers should not be allowed to make such big descions. I got married so young I got KERPLUNK as a wedding gift, I really wanted BUCKAROO ay least with the horse I could see how much baggage one living creature could take in a day!
Husband is a big annyoing ARSE! I am going to leave and be single and fuck as many big cute black men one woman can fit into her schedule in a week.

Oh Uh hang on Radio has been turned off....silence in the bedroom.......

Ok I am off to bed..he isnt that bad really, maybe put the cute fit black boys on hold for a wee while.

Night Night!

janey godley
Posted: 10.37 July 19, 2004

Never slept a fucking wink...the pain is horrible. Toe is killing me and am considering taking up "crack" as pain management. My toe throbbed the whole night and now is purple and green; it looks like psychedelic swirly 1960’s Lava lamp!

I am dreading the dentist; he will probably just stab my gums coz he can!

Started shouting at husband as it was all his fault I am injured, he knew that cupboard was faulty and has ignored my repeated pleas to fix it…big Ass hole, if was a blow job that was needed to be sorted he would have made sure it was done.

It still is not fixed -the door lies in my hallway awaiting “Wood glue” well fuck that, I will fix it myself today.

I hate relying on anyone to do anything for me. As always if you need something done-do it yourself.

janey godley
Posted: 16.28 July 19, 2004

well the dentist did not dissapoint me. he was extremely gentle but still jagged my gum and gave me ANOTHER filling...fuck it. I showed him my sore toe and he was all sympathetic but started his drill and carried on making purpose built holes in my teeth that need silver poison fillings. He does that well. He is lovely actually and did laugh at my suggestion that mouth anesthetics would be good for first time Blow Jobs...just so you dont feel that nasty-ness is your mouth and you can weaned into it...suppose you would need to be married to a dentist though.

He did say that was how he got Blow Jobs from his wife at first, now she just does it easily when she needs shoes. I like him.

I am thinking of getting veneers on my teeth as they are really shit and dull...he quoted me £1,500 all in...wow..that will be a good smile eh? I asked him how many blow jobs I could give him to make up the price... he tells me NONE he prefers cash.

My dad says he will buy them for me as he thinks its a good idea!

I love me daddy!

I could not walk with a shoe on , luckily it is warm in Glasgow today and I walked with one shoe on and my sore toe foot went bare. It was easier to walk like this as the shoe hurt my sore toe. People looked at me as I dribbled from my mouth with the numbness and hobbled home carrying my shoe in my hand. I looked like a proper Glasweigan! Drunk or stoned early on a Monday Morning!

Came home and tried to sleep but failed, the numbness made me feel sick, husband ignored it and still asked for sex...I considered a numbed mouth BJ but decided against it as my toe was sore all night and he slept and I never...so therefore I hate him.

Sun is out and place is warm. I am still grumpy and sore.

janey godley
Posted: 00.24 July 20, 2004

I sent a picture of my broken toe to lots of people, i am trying to get it on here as I am a sadist. I am unable to do it but i did send a copy to Birdy and Mr Driscoll...so maybe soon eh? Even sent a copy to Mr Bennet!

yummy sexy pics!

birdy
Posted: 02.17 July 20, 2004

You're one of the few who could make me post, Janey... My sympathies to your husband.

janey godley
Posted: 02.46 July 20, 2004

cool eh?

It really throbbed all night and it looks like a fucking rainbow..the colours change daily.

Spent the night watching DVD's and waxing/shaving bits of my body that inadvertently grow hair for no good reason.

Waxed my leg...and I mean LEG as in singular-as that pain was fucked and I just shaved the other leg. I cannot go through that pain again. Gums hurt like shit as well, that crazy teeth scraping man really must hate me.

Husband is keeping a low profile as I shouted into his face for annoying me, he was breathing too loud. He chewed food too loud and then coughed for ages...I mean how much noise can one human make? His aspergers syndrome really kicks in sometimes, it is a form of autism and it really bubbles to the surface under stress.

he was sitting writing on a small bit of card, he was really concentrating. I looked at it after he left the room..it said...

"Janey hates me janey hates me janey hates me janey hates me janey hates me janey hates me janey hates me janey hates me janey hates me"

I read it with sadness, I dont really hate him, just fucking annoyed sometimes.

I got a piece of card and wrote on it

"Janey loves you Janey loves you janey loves you janey loves you janey loves you janey loves you"

I put it on his radio as that is where he huddles round when I am a shouty blue toe-d cow.

I need to lighten up.

janey godley
Posted: 13.27 July 20, 2004

I slept until now which is 1.20 pm!

I got about 16 phone calls but ignored them all and stayed snuggled up in bed.
Paperwork is catching up with me, over on the pine dresser is a GIANT pile of bills and letters and stuff to be dealt with. I need to wait for husband to come home tonight to do it all with me as I end up priortising the wrong bills and we get the phone cut off!

Ashley is still asleep as her sleep pattern is worse than mine, she was up and awake until 6am this morning.

Mij called me to thank for me stuff we brought through to him, he loved the TIME OUT piece which mentions me 'punching Nuns for Jesus' that made him smile.

weather in Glasgow is shite again, well we have had our summer, thats it all done! I am trying to book a holiday for Ashley and I in September, but all my weekends are busy with comedy and now have weekends booked into December! Thats good for me but was looking forward to getting to Disneyland in Florida with her, I used to take her every year when she was 8, 9, 10 11 and 12...I loved it as much as she did.

Life sucks and my toe is funny colour.

Hank
Posted: 13.32 July 20, 2004

Quote (janey godley @ 13.27 July 20, 2004)
Toe sucks and my life is funny colour.

Really sorry I just couldn't resist

(PS. Love the Blog!)

Angie P
Posted: 14.07 July 20, 2004

Janey if someone doesn't offer to buy the film rights to your life there's something wrong with the world.

Other than your good self, who would you like to see portray you on the big screen?

Hank
Posted: 14.18 July 20, 2004

(only joking... please don't make me disappear !)

Errmmm Gwyneth Paltrow!

Nick P
Posted: 14.19 July 20, 2004

Quote (Angie P @ 14.07 July 20, 2004)
Other than your good self, who would you like to see portray you on the big screen?

Dunno what Janey thinks, but Kelly Macdonald might be a good start:

janey godley
Posted: 14.21 July 20, 2004

I have no idea, as to pick some one beautiful would be really cheesy, my daughter is an actress so she could play me...but she is tall and i am small!

Great Scottish Actress Siobhan Redmond would be nice.

Do they have to look like me? Be same size as me?

Then it would be grotbags!

janey godley
Posted: 22.58 July 20, 2004

Managed to dye everything in the washine machine BLUE today. I now have lovely muddy dull blue bra's and knickers!

Ashley will kill me when she sees what i have done to her pink top...oh dear...fuck it.

My toe is looking better but still purple..Prince would love it and maybe write a song about it?

I still cant walk in shoes I need to take my shoe off and walk barefooted as I inadvertently bend my toe in shoes as I walk but barefooted..I DONT! Am starting to like walking barefoot in the streets, God knows why but it is kinda liberating and free...except for dog shit moments.

Got DVDs out last night and sat through COLD MOUNTAIN what a dire pile of shite it was. I cannot believe that won any awards. Utter shite.

I did like Lost in Translation, it was a really lovely human story. Not many films actually leave in the awkward silences but this film did and i loved it...Cold Mountain was one big long awkward silence!

Ashley is out partying tonight with her mates, I miss her.

I want to go put on party shoes and go dancing....or maybe ONE party shoe and go hopping!

HazelHumph
Posted: 10.11 July 21, 2004

Go on Sister Judith! Kick ass for the lord!!!

Nice one Janey - nuns have always scared me (more so than policemen). Why not organise a scrap between yourself and the good Sister as the finale to the Edinburgh show?

I will be taking bets if this goes ahead.

Nick P
Posted: 10.30 July 21, 2004

Hey, we'll have nun of that...

HazelHumph
Posted: 10.37 July 21, 2004

Quote (Nick P @ 10.30 July 21, 2004)
Hey, we'll have nun of that...

Convent-ional jokes are becoming a habit with you.

(I am so sorry Janey - Nick brings out the worst in me!)

Nick P
Posted: 10.56 July 21, 2004

I'm obviously surplice to requirements...

janey godley
Posted: 12.59 July 21, 2004

I was informed that this weeks TIME OUT has THREE more letters regards my Punching Nuns for Jesus stuff!

I have now been in Time Out for three weeks running!

You can see them on my website

http://www.janeygodley.co.uk/timeout.html

Maybe I should bring in Punching priests for God as my next quote!

Grant
Posted: 13.15 July 21, 2004

I blame Hay. It wasn't a lighter note.

Lighthearted fashion perhaps, but not a lighter note.

The letters are all very interesting. Many view points.

Grant
Posted: 13.17 July 21, 2004

Quote (janey godley @ 12.59 July 21, 2004)
Maybe I should bring in Punching priests for God as my next quote!

I think the religious thing has run its course.

Animals! I think if you could annoy the animal lovers, PETA and Parliament would be out to get you.

janey godley
Posted: 23.30 July 21, 2004

Toe is getting better, doc had a look at it, and it seems it will heal in its own time!

Am still bemused at furore Nun comments have made.

Still life goes on....have been watching pre Fringe press stuff come out and cant believe the amount of press "Will a woman be nominated this year for the Perrier?"
is getting.

Now it feels like Perrier people are under pressure to nominate a 'token' female this year and this is not good news to all the great female stand ups taking a show to Edinburgh. Personally I think Jo Caulfield should get a nomination, not because she is a female coz she is fucking funny as fuck and i love her stuff.

On a personal note I managed to poke my ear really hard with a cotton bud, now I have a big block of wax STUCK in my ear and making me deaf. Lovely!

Went out today and paid more bills, YES with one shoe on and one shoe off...I cannot fucking walk in shoes till my toe heals.

Got a nice txt from a guy called ROBBO..was confused because it said

" Thx 4 grt sex Lst nite, u rock babes, sorry Martin neva behaved, he is usually good. Sorry I cum in ur face n hair. Luv ROBBO"

I have no idea who ROBBO is and am wondering wot the fuck Martin has to do with anything in their sex life?

I laughed out loud at the 'sorry i cum in ur face and hair'

I must admit there is NOTHING worse than trying to get sperm outta yer hair, so good on ROBBO for apologising.

I txt him back explaining I have no idea who he is and he replied saying sorry the message was meant for his girlfriend Nadine.

I replied by asking him-"Who is Martin and why was he misbeahving?"

I knew it was cheeky but i was intrigued, he replied

ROBBO-" we shag Nadine, wanna c pics?"

Me-"No thnx but well done , keep pointing that sperm away from her her hair"

So there we have it. I am having TXT sex with a stranger.

He did actually send me the pic and he really was having sex with his mate and this blonde girl, it was quite funny and obviously shot on a camera phone, in a NIGHT CLUB! There were people in the background dancing! I am appalled I cant summon the strength to fucking DANCE at a night club and this woman was doing the whole Nadia Komenechy thing with her legs and two penis's.

I laughed and deleted it.

Still wish i could have done that thing with my legs like Nadine, will practice.

Alan Driscoll
Posted: 02.42 July 22, 2004

Sorry I was a bit distant when you last messaged me. Did you listen to the CDs?

db brown
Posted: 06.31 July 22, 2004

The letter writer saying you've trivialised the suffering of thousands bla bla is right.

You need to shoot nuns for jesus and take out the fucking priests while you're at it.

And all TV evangelists should have their possessions and bank accounts seized and then forced into mass 'suicide'.

Killing for Jesus has always been acceptable, punching is too personal.

Rich
Posted: 11.04 July 22, 2004

Quote (db brown @ 06.31 July 22, 2004)
You need to shoot nuns for jesus

maybe shagging one would be an alternative? The church has messed with our sex lives long enough, lets encourage em to join in.

Rich

Anthony Miller
Posted: 11.10 July 22, 2004

I was punched in the face by a priest once ...it's so long ago I'd forgetten about it!

Jimmy Two Lumps
Posted: 11.50 July 22, 2004

Janey, I'm surprised that you'd be so tacky as to make hay out this situation. You're riding on a wave of ignorance and whipping up bigotry. Well done - who would have thought attacking people in such a stereotypical way would get marketing results?

Why not punch a working mother for Jesus while you're at it?

Arthur Daley
Posted: 12.14 July 22, 2004

Any nuns want to borrow Terry?

janey godley
Posted: 12.22 July 22, 2004

Jimmy I am not whipping up Bigotry, I have had lots of messages from people who were abused by Nuns who have emailed me to say they laughed at what i said.

Of course I dont advocate punching random Nuns, we need to find the ones who stood a small boy naked in the snow and then let him watch his dead mother lie on a slab in a mortuary as the nun masturbated in a corner (true story) and then we can punch her.

I also talk about stabbing an Uncle from The Orange Order who abused me...see Protestants get it in the neck as well.

it all fun fun fun!

Chill out...

I was just quoting a staststic, Tony Blair did that and he is still in power.

Anthony Miller
Posted: 12.37 July 22, 2004

What I want to know is what is a nun doing reading Time Out anyway?
Whatever happened to poverty, chastity & obedience....?

Surely TO is a listings magazine for people who want to spend their evenings
"OUT" on the town - dancing in nightclubs, drinking in the Phoenix and
going to shit open mike gigs?

What is a nun doing reading it?

Seems clear to me that when she should be in her cell praying she's actually getting pissed or something or spending the money I DD to the catholic church each month for repressing homosexuality to go out enjoying herself at my expense!? Fucking two-timing cow!?

You're married to Christ - you shouldn't be out partying!

Okse
Posted: 12.47 July 22, 2004

As a nipper I went to a Catholic school and I tell you the nuns there were horrible! Quite violent if I recall, rulers being the favourite weapon of choice, one nun even had a go at a lad for not washing telling him he was a "dirty, dirty boy" and poking him with her bony fingers. This lad was dark skinned! so in my world nuns are pretty grim.

Punch a nun, sounds cool to me!

Before anyone starts a lot of my friends are nuns!

Grant
Posted: 12.48 July 22, 2004

Quote (Anthony Miller @ 12.37 July 22, 2004)
What I want to know is what is a nun doing reading Time Out anyway?
Whatever happened to poverty, chastity & obedience....? Surely TO is a listings magazine for people who want to spend their evenings "OUT" on the town - dancing in nightclubs, drinking in the Phoenix and going to shit open mike gigs? What is a nun doing reading it? Seems clear to me that when she should be in her cell praying she's actually getting pissed or something or spending the money I DD to the catholic church each month for repressing homosexuality to go out enjoying herself at my expense!? Fucking two-timing cow!? You're married to Christ - you shouldn't be out partying!

Some nuns are really cool. I lived next door to a convent when I was a kid and you couldn't wish to meet nicer people. No beatings, no enforced slavery, so nice that I couldn't even make up shit to get some compensation money from them.

Top rant Anthony, but you should have been logged on as some comedy character to get away with it. It was too ignorant to be you.

Jimmy Two Lumps
Posted: 13.01 July 22, 2004

Quote (janey godley @ 12.22 July 22, 2004)
Jimmy I am not whipping up Bigotry, I have had lots of messages from people who were abused by Nuns who have emailed me to say they laughed at what i said. Of course I dont advocate punching random Nuns, we need to find the ones who stood a small boy naked in the snow and then let him watch his dead mother lie on a slab in a mortuary as the nun masturbated in a corner (true story) and then we can punch her. I also talk about stabbing an Uncle from The Orange Order who abused me...see Protestants get it in the neck as well. it all fun fun fun! Chill out... I was just quoting a staststic, Tony Blair did that and he is still in power. You only have to look at some of the posts on the last couple of pages of this thread to see that this has whipped up bigotry.

Fair enough about searching out the individuals who abused children, but you can't do that indiscriminately with huge sweeping comments which affect all nuns. I've not heard your bit about the guy who abused you, but for it to be similar in effect then you would need to imply that all orangemen are child-abusers - do you do that? If you do, then well done - that would take a lot more bravery than attacking nuns as a group.

Anthony Miller
Posted: 13.02 July 22, 2004

Come again? What's ignorant about it? A nun's job is contemplating Christ and praying for the eternal salvation of souls and clearly this nun has far too much free time. Why else would she be reading a publication called "Time Out"?

Whatever happened to enclosed orders?

The nuns I know don't read nightlife listings magazines. She's just a good-time nun.

I can see the queues building up in purgatory while she's not praying.
Lazy cow!

Jimmy Two Lumps
Posted: 13.03 July 22, 2004

Quote (Anthony Miller @ 12.37 July 22, 2004)
What I want to know is what is a nun doing reading Time Out anyway?
Whatever happened to poverty, chastity & obedience....? Surely TO is a listings magazine for people who want to spend their evenings "OUT" on the town - dancing in nightclubs, drinking in the Phoenix and going to shit open mike gigs? What is a nun doing reading it? Seems clear to me that when she should be in her cell praying she's actually getting pissed or something or spending the money I DD to the catholic church each month for repressing homosexuality to go out enjoying herself at my expense!? Fucking two-timing cow!? You're married to Christ - you shouldn't be out partying!

Maybe someone bought the magazine and showed it to her?

Anthony Miller
Posted: 13.04 July 22, 2004

Quote (Jimmy Two Lumps @ 13.03 July 22, 2004)
Maybe someone bought the magazine and showed it to her?

No. She says she's a "regular reader". This bird's taking us for a ride.

Jimmy Two Lumps
Posted: 13.08 July 22, 2004

Well, maybe, even though she is religious, she has an interest in the performing arts? Can you imagine that? I know a priest who has a nice car - what a fucker, he should be shot.

Anthony Miller
Posted: 13.09 July 22, 2004

Quote (Jimmy Two Lumps @ 13.08 July 22, 2004)
I know a priest who has a nice car - what a fucker, he should be shot.

Nuns take a vow of poverty and priests don't.

She is well out of order.

Okse
Posted: 13.11 July 22, 2004

I wrote a story for Back Street Heroes magazine (ramrod) about the devil winning a bike race then challenging anyone to come forward and challenge him!

The last panel was of Jesus on a cross mounted on a beefy motor bike with the devil shouting the line "Shit, Christ on a bike!"

BSH recieved loads of letters from christian bikers, Me and the artist were very proud!

Liking the blog still Janey.

Grant
Posted: 13.28 July 22, 2004

Quote (Anthony Miller @ 13.02 July 22, 2004)
Come again? What's ignorant about it? A nun's job is contemplating Christ and praying for the eternal salvation of souls and clearly this nun has far too much free time. Why else would she be reading a publication called "Time Out"? Whatever happened to enclosed orders? The nuns I know don't read nightlife listings magazines. She's just a good-time nun. I can see the queues building up in purgatory while she's not praying. Lazy cow!

Stop it. You actually know stuff and know being a nun isn't 24 hours a day kneeling on broken glass.

Log in as a wacky character, it's funny stuff. This isn't you - you are geeky stuff and poetry.

Grant
Posted: 13.32 July 22, 2004

Knew I was posting on this thread for something.

Janey isn't a bigot. And I don't mean that because she mentions "the other side" too. I mean that because she isn't a bigot.

Jimmy Two Lumps
Posted: 13.37 July 22, 2004

Quote (Anthony Miller @ 13.09 July 22, 2004)
Quote (Jimmy Two Lumps @ 13.08 July 22, 2004)
I know a priest who has a nice car - what a fucker, he should be shot.
Nuns take a vow of poverty and priests don't.
She is well out of order.

Very funny - she probably deserves a smack.

Anthony Miller
Posted: 13.44 July 22, 2004

I'm sorry, Grant, but I am not being a biggot or doing a comedy charecter.
In my view it's been downhill ever since Vatican II when other vocational possibilities became available for nuns.

Look at them now. Reading Time Out and partying on the town!

St Bede would be turning in his grave.

Well, just you take it from me if any nuns think they're going to be allowed to book opens at the Pear they can just fuck off.

Being a nun IS a 24 hours a day job.

Nick P
Posted: 13.46 July 22, 2004

So, Janey advocates punching child-abusing nuns that not only evaded prosecution, but warped people’s genuinely-held religious beliefs to justify it, eh?
Good.

If anyone needs a hand kicking the sh*t out of some priests, gimme a shout.

Anthony Miller
Posted: 13.49 July 22, 2004

Most of the priests I know are quite harmless and the one that wasn't is dead anyway.

Besides which with the popularity of vocations these days there wont be any left to punch in 50 years

...this is why they've softened the rules and allowed them to go out partying more.

Nick P
Posted: 13.55 July 22, 2004

Weren’t priests initially allowed to marry, have kids, etc.? I’ve heard (and am prepared to admit to being totally misinformed) that the Vatican put the kibosh on it and imposed celibacy because they couldn’t afford to pay to support surviving wives, children, etc when the priest snuffed it.

Grant
Posted: 13.57 July 22, 2004

Quote (Anthony Miller @ 13.44 July 22, 2004)
I'm sorry, Grant, but I am not being a biggot or doing a comedy charecter.

Wasn't saying you were. Sorry if you read it that way.

janey godley
Posted: 15.36 July 22, 2004

Just want to say thanks to Grant and others for sticking up for me. I am not a bigot, I am a comic and I have freedom of speech.

I accept that only the minority of Nuns beat kids and innocent people, I accept that ALL priests dont abuse children and not EVERY Orangeman is a child abuser.

There, not everything that is said or written is true...like in the bible it says 'an eye for an eye' and lots of abusive Nuns , priests and Orangemen have two eyes...so that theory never worked either.

Hope that clears things up.

Incidentally i have never punched a NUN either.

--------------------------------------------------------

I got my hair blow dried today to get my mind off punching nuns.

Since it is school holiday time here, there were at least 20 wee blonde happy toddlers and small kids sitting outside my favourite cafe and on the cobblestoned walkway covered in tables.

I STUBBED my broken toe on a raised cobble stone!

I threw my head back in pain and went to swear VERY FUCKING LOUDLY and there in front of me was loads of happy wee kids all looking at me smiling. I dropped my bag and slipped my shoe off and sat on the cobblestones holding my blue purple toe in pain. The concerned mums and toddlers stared at me. I showed them my blue toe and explained that it was already broken and now I want to cry.

A wee blonde shiny haired girl with Mickey Mouse clips in her head and a sun dress came over and touched my head and said "Have you hurt your toe?"

Suffice to say i never swore, I grinned and bore the pain and ordered coffee.

I can be a good girl too.

Anthony Miller
Posted: 16.16 July 22, 2004

If these nuns all stayed in closed orders like they used to these things wouldn't happen anyway. I bet people have secretly wanted to punch nuns for years but not been able to do it because mostly they lived behind closed doors. Now they go out into the community and they discover people want to punch them.

Well, it's their own fault for coming out of the cloister.

johnfleming
Posted: 16.49 July 22, 2004

It would be interesting if someone were to write an outraged letter to the Catholic Herald...Pity Joe Orton is not here to do it...

Anthony Miller
Posted: 17.03 July 22, 2004

Quote (johnfleming @ 16.49 July 22, 2004)
It would be interesting if someone were to write an outraged letter to the Catholic Herald...Pity Joe Orton is not here to do it...

I don't know as someone who's CV includes

GANGSTER VIDEOS

Production Co-Ordinator & Consultant on:
"Angel of the Underworld"
"Beyond The Grave - The Krays"
"Ronnie Biggs Night Out 1 & 2"
"Bride of Bronson - I Married a Monster"
"Free at Last - Reg Kray's Funeral"
"The Krays' Geordie Connection"
"The Krays' Geordie Connection DVD"
"Mad Frank Fraser - Friends & Enemies"
"Pyle's Punch-Up 1"
"Pyle's Punch-Up 2",
"Pyle's Punch-Up 3"
"Pyle's Punch-Up 4"
"Pyle's Punch-Up 5"
"Pyle's Punch-Up 6"
"Pyle's Punch-Up 7"
"Total Violence 1"
"Total Violence 2"
"A Tribute to Tony Lambrianou"
"Warriors II"
"Warriors III"
"Warriors IV"
"The Ultimate Gangster DVD"

ought not to keep their fucking trap shut.

Jimmy Two Lumps
Posted: 17.28 July 22, 2004

Quote (janey godley @ 15.36 July 22, 2004)
I am not a bigot, I am a comic and I have freedom of speech.

I don't think you are a bigot, just that there are plenty of idiots (there are some on this thread) who will latch onto such comments and use them to bolster their ignorance - in an Alf Garnett stylee...

I went to a primary school run by nuns for about 5 years - and was never assaulted, physically or mentally - in fact, they were nice. They didn't even force religion on us... they just seemed a bit strange. I saw that Peter Mullen film last year about the workhouse in Ireland and, of course, that kind of abuse was shocking and the perpetrators should be jailed.

Your "freedom of speech" is a fallacy by the way - you don't actually have the right to say what you want.

janey godley
Posted: 18.41 July 22, 2004

Jimmy you say I dont actually have the right to say what I want.

Why because you say so?

I think those nuns have affected you.

I do say what I want, if in doubt check Time Out, I do a good 'punching Nuns for Jesus' joke.

LOL!

To Anthony, John Fleming is a mate of mine, he was being sarcastic.

Thnaks for everyone who commented on this subject, I will get back to the BLOG soon.

tony cowards
Posted: 18.54 July 22, 2004

If you were to do a judo throw on a Mother Superior would you be a nunchuka?

jonmc2003
Posted: 19.02 July 22, 2004

'How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a bint and pin it down?
How do you stop her beating little children?
A fleeting kick? a crack of the whip ? get her down?'
All of things she know she needs to tell us
all of things she knows you wont understand
How do solve a problem like Maria
How do you hold a child beater in your hand?'

The Sound of Muted

janey godley
Posted: 20.36 July 22, 2004

the diet is going ok, the non smoking is cool but my nightmares are taking over.
And No before you ask, NUNS do NOT feature in them.

I could hear my self scream this morning and it scared me,I hate when i wake myself up screaming. I am going to go mad if this does not stop. When i am awake i am in control but asleep the fear takes over.

Husband is at a loss as to what to do, I have been nothing but argumentative all week and started shouting at him over absolutely nothing. He would laugh and say something, I would hear him and be convinced he was trying to wind me up, then it would start another fight. I said some really horrible things to him. Things I am not sure I can take back and be humble about. I did explain i was under pressure and am a bit touchy, he just shook his head and said "You treat me like dirt and continue to be constantly cheeky, you wake up in a bad mood, you scream in your sleep and you tell me you would rather be dead than be here, what do you expect me to say to you?"

me-" I am sorry, I am a moany cow and I will stop the crap, but you were a real bastard to me years ago"

Husband-" thats a great idea Janey, why dont you bring up my past to justify your behaviour, well either forgive me or leave me, dont keep me here to hurt me over stuff I did to you years ago, that is cruel and even I never did that"

Great! Now I have a big marriage stress weeks before the Fringe. Hope I can convince myself and him that this is worth keeping. Or i am fucked.

janey godley
Posted: 21.14 July 22, 2004

Om dokey thanks for that Two Lumps.

Kinda moved on from that now and practise my freedom of speech at home and BELIEVE ME I do say what i fucking want there, there is NO censorship or government official deciding what privelige is afforded to me.

Yadda Yadda...whatever.

db brown
Posted: 23.05 July 22, 2004

Follow your heart Janey.

You have helped people to laugh at things they never could before. This indicates you are using laughter in its highest form - as a means of healing. Addressing issues that previously were safely ensconsed in peoples 'egos'. 'Issues' are far more dangerous in than out.

Whether you intended to assist people in coming to terms with their own issues or not you are in fact doing just that. And why shouldn't the stage be cathartic, provided, as a comic, you are funny during said catharsis.

Anyone and everyone who begins to shine will have their detractors. That is just human nature. Just go to an open mike, kick ass, and watch the amateurs sulk... hee hee.

Love your blog, love your work, look after that bloody toe!

janey godley
Posted: 23.35 July 22, 2004

thanks DB..love you for that...

You always gave me good advice and a place to heal.

Think i am just a bit over sensitive just now.

managed to sort out potential problems with the book and so that has eased the burden...but had a tense two days that almost gave me a heart attack. Just problems with some other person coming in and editing -that has been sorted now.

John Fleming ( book editor/comedy person who takes the flak when husband is off the hook) came to my rescue now all I have to do is concentrate on Edinburgh. Will try to be nice and true to people around me and stop turning into nasty Janey who lashes out at the bat of an eye.

So here I sit and am thinking up good things to say to my family that will make them happy I am the woman/wife they are happy to be with and not secretly plot my murder...and in this family thats dangerous...trust me!

tony cowards
Posted: 23.35 July 22, 2004

Missus Goodlay, I would also like to say how much I enjoy you blog however if I say anything too positive on here I'll get slapped back into place!

janey godley
Posted: 23.40 July 22, 2004

ha ha ha Tony actually my real and full title is

MISS Janey Godley

despite being married for nearly 26 years I retained MISS as opposed to Mrs. I also dont wear wedding rings (feels like being tagged).

I only have ONE child because I dont breed well in captivity.

How I wish I was a GOODLAY may make things easier here!

You can be positive if you want..freedom of speech!

remember.................

IMAGINATION IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN KNOWLEDGE

tony cowards
Posted: 23.43 July 22, 2004

Funnily enough I typed Miss Goodlay first but then thought "hang on she's married" so I changed it.

Owen Niblock
Posted: 08.21 July 23, 2004

Quote (tony cowards @ 23.35 July 22, 2004)
Missus Goodlay, I would also like to say how much I enjoy you blog however if I say anything too positive on here I'll get slapped back into place!

You're good with names hey Tony

Regards,

Mr. Nibnock

Anthony Miller
Posted: 10.08 July 23, 2004

Quote (janey godley @ 18.41 July 22, 2004)
To Anthony, John Fleming is a mate of mine, he was being sarcastic.

Wow! ....What's it like having mates who make videos called "Total Violence 1" &"Total Violence 2"?!?

If I can ask that question without Toby Foster twatting me or the Krays fitting me with concrete boots?

However since Fleming seems to be an expert on the underworld and he's here I have a question. Is it really true that the bloke who runs Cinatras in West Croydon used to be in the Richardsons or is it just bullshit he comes out with to make himself look hard?

janey godley
Posted: 13.03 July 23, 2004

Anthony - John is not an expert in the Underworld. He works on videos and websites. But I have some advice for you , why dont you go ask that guy from Cinatra's yourself. In fact you dont need to as he reads the BLOG as John put him onto it through his website advice stuff. I am sure the guy will let you know soon enough.

Leave John alone, he is lovely and my friend.

Nick P
Posted: 13.04 July 23, 2004

Anthony, you're goin' daaarn sahn.

janey godley
Posted: 13.33 July 23, 2004

ojh calm down everyone...I am JOKING.

will be back to blog soon.

Grant
Posted: 14.24 July 23, 2004

Quote (janey godley @ 13.33 July 23, 2004)
ojh calm down everyone...I am JOKING.

Damn! I thought New Chortle was really beginning to pull the punters in.

comedyfan100
Posted: 18.04 July 23, 2004

Janey, after reading the article in Time out I would assume you have your own connections with the 'Underworld' in Glasgow, is this true ? What exactly do you reveal on stage that is illegal or can you not say here on your blog?

janey godley
Posted: 23.57 July 23, 2004

I saying nothing! You have to come see the show to hear what happens.

Had a nice day with ashley, got all packed for Liverpool tomorrow as i am doing gig at Laughter House. I love the gig and MC slot is fun there. Husband and I have kinda made up to a degree. He knows I am abit fucked up just now and I say things I dont mean but just to get a reaction out of him (well thats what i told him and myself)

Had a LOT of press stuff relating to Edinburgh show, article comes out this Sunday in the Sunday Herald Magazine. Did some interview for Evening Standard in London today and continue with my diary for the Big Issue. All seems to be full steam ahead.

Had a big conversation with Ashley about how to budget her cash (rich coming from me I know) she really needs to keep a tighter rein on things. She is REALLY looking forward to Edinburgh Fringe. She cannot wait to get into the new flat ( i had to tell her it was non smoking, she was pissed off) She is getting all preened and primed to meet Christian Slater, when he sees her they will fall in love and then she will move to LA with him and make some movies and she will have his babies. She loves him. Poor fucker does not know what he is in for when she runs into him AND SHE WILL RUN INTO HIM trust me!

I am looking forward to getting on stage. I have reviewers coming into my previews. Bring it on!

Husband will not be coming through, he feels he is already famous through me and hates that. He really is very quiet and private and he squrims when I talk about this BLOG.

Husband-"Why would anyone want to know what the hell we talk about or what you do in a day? Is it not bad enough you make me listen to your shit day without pressing it onto everyone else?"

me-"Get fucked, people like it and they email from all over the world to tell me they love it and they all click onto it and read it in droves"

Now at this point I should say to Mr Anthony Miller, I DO THINK LOADS of people are logging into it, count the hits!

husband-" Ok but as long as you keep me out of it"

me-" Ok then I wont mention you again"

husband-" Thank you"

me"ok"

So there we have it! I lied....but it is fun eh?

janey godley
Posted: 00.01 July 24, 2004

In fact Anthony...just a point..I looked but am not that good at checking and I know you are..is this the topic with the most views on Chortle?

If so I am CHUFFED!

Burst that bubble!

Jimmy Two Lumps
Posted: 00.36 July 24, 2004

Quote (janey godley @ 00.01 July 24, 2004)
In fact Anthony...just a point..I looked but am not that good at checking and I know you are..is this the topic with the most views on Chortle? If so I am CHUFFED!
Burst that bubble!

Considering Miller's probably out whoring it up I'll just burst that bubble if I may...

The true definition of the most popular thread is one that has the highest posts/views ratio - in the case of this thread it is approx 29:1, but in this thread, about the people who were banned from this forum without warning, you'll find that the average is 32:1

But this one is more entertaining...

janey godley
Posted: 11.02 July 24, 2004

Thanks for that Jimmy.

Am off to liverpool,,talk later.

janey godley
Posted: 20.59 July 25, 2004

Liverpool was good. The Laughter House rocks. That club is just the best I swear.
The crowd are very comedy cultured. And me walking on talking about the Diana Monument and taking the piss out of it made them gasp for a minute, they then sat rubbing chins...fucking cool. Paul Sinah, Steve Day and JJ Whitehead stormed the night. Cool!

Stayed in lovely Raddisson Sas hotel in liverpool and last night after the show I sat with four women.

I now realise I have an age 'issue'. These were four women who saw the show and came over for a chat. They asked me how my 'husband and child' felt with me travelling all over doing comedy and was it worth missing home for.
They weren't being patronising, just generally curious.

I asked them what age they were and they
answered "44" "43" "42" and "45", so they are roughly same age as me. I am 43.

me- " Yes this job is worth missing home for becuase I get to do what I want, my daughter is now 18 but I have been doing this nearly 10 years and my husband is great at loooking after his own child"

I looked at these lovely well dressed and interesting women and realised I did not 'feel' the same age as they were, I did not look like that did I? Do I have those wrinkles round my eyes, does my chin droop at the sides...??? I was paranoid. I was angry at myself for being so fucking shallow and defensive.

Woman in red top- "Dont you miss being a wife though?

All that staying in hotels, eating alone, sitting in bars by yourself, you should not be alone at your age Janey"

me-" I have been a WIFE, I did wife very well in the 80's, I was 'Thatcher's Greedy Daughter who Could have It All'.

I ran about in a shiny blue power suit, wearing a tight sexy black basque beneath my jacket, my legs clad in slinky barely-there black hold up stockings (tights were for wimps). My feet tottering around in high heels, and there I was with a baby on one hand and a full time job on the other. I ran a pub and nine flats, I did Callanetics to stay trim, I lived on the Cambridge Diet (330 calories a day) to stay thin and I worked 14 hour days, seven days a week ( I had five staff and two dinner breaks and time to feed my daughter).

I worked in a big Male dominated pub, I argued with every man who tried to put me down, no matter how many times I played the begiuling sexy woman, my sharp sense of humour came to the fore, no one would get the better of me (except my husband of course)...I am woman hear me ROAR!

I didnt even have a name, most people called me 'HIS WIFE'.

We watched Princess Diana get slimmer after two births and go onto 'work at Charity Projects' day in day out, yet she looked sexy and slim. Charles must have been well chuffed with his sexy power horse of wife. We can be sexy mothers -we can have it all!

I learned how to smile, suck and swallow like a simpering sychophantic socialite, I was always available for SEX -ON -DEMAND with my husband, a silk basque digging into my fucking malnourished ribs, I would read books on how to achieve better sexual positons, the pain hit my hips before he did, but I was always on call. He was bemused by the sexual goddess act, but never refused! I was SUPERWOMAN...I could do it all and have it all, shame on you for being fat, lazy or useless at keeping your husbands penis entertained..your fault if he strayed! (What utter shit I believed then) I learned how to make avocado soup, aubergines stuffed with courgette rice and I squealed loudly when given a compliment! I cooked/cleaned and never complained.


My husband never asked for this shit to happen, he was as busy as I was but I thought it was how to be a good wife in the 80's. He grew to be worried about the woman in blue eye shadow with an all over tan- she used to be his happy curly haired wife who liked to go out on her pushbike.

This whole 'Superwoman' act of mine was short lived, by the time my daughter was ready to go to nursery I dropped the facade and relaxed.

It was all shit, Diana really hated Charles, he never actually fucked her ( every one else was apparently) we had been duped. No one really could have it all, we either got our sanity or our perma tan and high heeled fake sex life, it was our choice.
I chose.

Now I sit back and smile, I am 43. I have a flabby tummy, and my boobs are on the big side and now if I wear sexy french knickers or hold up stockings, its because I want to wear them to make ME feel good and if my husband happens to be there to share that ...then cool.. I now have great lazy sex, better orgasms and I never cook. Life is fucking good trust me -I have DONE wife and it sucked for me"

Woman in Red top-" My husband like stay -ups, he hates me wearing tights"

me-"We are not the women our mothers were in their 40's. When I was 18 my mother was 43, thats the same age difference between my daughter and I.

I could not even begin to imagine my mother going off to do comedy or Glastonbury or fucking ANYWHERE.

She was worn out with grey/white dry hair that was yellow at the front due to the amount of fags she smoked, her cheekbones had that

'Too Many punches' look that left wee soft loose sags that hung beneath her sad brown eyes.

Her mouth had spidery lines surrounding her lips, a tribute to the thousands of cigarettes she sucked too hard, too quick and way too many.

Her teeth were replaced long ago with a false set, and she lost them so many times it left her face permanently sunken, sharp wrinkles lining her skin like frost on broken glass. Her body looked tired and her cheap second hand coat hung from her saggy shoulders.

She had lived a hard life by the time she was 43, her own mother had died only 38 years old, way before I was born. My mother scraped by on fags, spam and debt, interspersed with Special Brew which stemmed the pain. She died when she was 47, a suspicous death at the hands of her boyfriend who had already tried to kill her three years previously and continued his violence against her ( she stood by him and would hear nothing bad about him), She was found floating in the river Clyde four days after she went missing. We still dont know the date of her death,
we guess it at April 1st, the day she went missing and aptly April Fools day.

I am happy to be alive and 43. I am not my mother and Ashley(my daughter) will will never be me, each generation of the women in my family will get better and better...I DO hope and they will stop dying young or being murdered.

The women around me all agreed with this sentiment and raised their glasses in a toast to 'Women Who Dont Die and Do Comedy'

I am off to buy moisturiser with liposomes....and possibly a basque...just for fun.

PS-Got a nice write up in Sunday Herald with a funny picture of me in handcuffs!

janey godley
Posted: 01.10 July 26, 2004

Thanks for all the PM's and emails.

Everyone has been saying kind and nice things to me regards what i blogged. Thanks, I intend to keep being extremely honest.

Next BLOG should be funny and contain stories of jealous angry elves who stuff pixie's with dead pidgeons for fun.
Or maybe some fun about Princess Diana's fountain NOT working as it really IS trying to exemplify her life and meanings.

It looks like a 'BIG VAGINA' that stays dry, a bit like Diana again....hehehehe

Arthur Daley
Posted: 09.51 July 26, 2004

Quote (janey godley @ 20.59 July 25, 2004)
Now I sit back and smile, I am 43. I have a flabby tummy, and my boobs are on the big side ...

And yet you've got the nerve to tare a strip off of me for calling you a portly lady!?

janey godley
Posted: 09.59 July 26, 2004

Amazing to see that amongst all those issues that blog I wrote back there had thrown up you found a line that describes myself as 'fat' and you chose to relect on that!

I love men...

Depends what you consider portly Arfu'r.

I am a curvy size 14, Maybe you have never seen a 'real' woman naked and curvy, coz you cant really make judgements on size based on a blow up doll.!!

See..the pressure of being thin for men? Maybe I should go back on 330 calories a day and stay thin in case some man calls me portly....

NO CHANCE!

he he heheheheeeeeeeeeee

Arthur Daley
Posted: 10.04 July 26, 2004

Quote (janey godley @ 09.59 July 26, 2004)
Maybe you have never seen a 'real' woman naked and curvy

It is true - I have never seen 'er indoors naked and I wouldn't wish to. She is always attired is suitable night attire - such a dressing gown or silk underwear and we only ever engage in conjugal activities when the lights are out. I am proud to say that when it comes to my conjugal relations with 'er indoors
the lights have always been extinguished.

janey godley
Posted: 10.34 July 26, 2004

Ashley is not sleeping well, her pattern is all to shit. She stays up all night and sleeps during the day. Maybe she is a vampire? She tries to sleep during the night but she cannot do it and its driving her mad she says she has 'Jetlag' without the holiday!

I slept well last night.

I have loads of writing to do today as I am writing the diary thing for the Big Issue and its due this week. I have also got bits of the book to go over and do.

Have been suffering from REALLY bad headaches, remember I got one in London that lasted tow days? Well I feel another coming on and its making me scared that I will be in pain for another two days...fuck that I will end up on crack as a pain relief. Must go see the doctor and get a brain scan.

Poor doctor - everytime he sees me its because I think I have some terminal illness, I only see him twice a year at most but it ususally involves my lumpy breast or painful womb, I always think I am going to die, the poor man flinches when he sees me in his waiting room.

He once told me "I am sick of feeling your breast Janey, we have checked this lump over and over again, it is ok"

He was laughing when he said it, so i know he is fine but I think I may have inadvertently sexually assaulted him by making him check that lump too many times!

The run up to the Fringe is getting exciting, its like Christmas for us here at Godleyville. We have to plan ahead and get food organised and travel arrangements done, clothes packed and loads of other stuff to be arranged. My husband has nothing to do as he is staying here in Glasgow, but Ashley and I are starting to run around like headless chickens.

"Have you got enough medicine Ashley?" I shout.

Ashley-"yes"

Me- " do you need any shoes to go in the big bag?"

Ashley-" Yes seven pairs and eight handbags"

Husband" Why does she need seven pairs of shoes and eight handbags?"

Ashley-" I know what your thinking Dad, how can seven pairs of shoes match eight handbags? Well its ok because two pairs of shoes are black and they go with the one black handbag"

husband-" NO that was NOT what I was thinking, I was wondering why the hell you need that many pairs of shoes and that many bloody handbags to go to Edinburgh, are you mad?"

Ashley-" Well when you die and come back as a GAY MAN you will understand ok?"

me-"Ok no more shouting I have a monumental fucking headache creeping on me, please leave her to pack, she can take as many shoes/handbags as she wants as she is carrying her own case"

At this point aspergic husband fails to reason with logic and teenage daughter and insists on his pedantic argument.

husband-" But she only needs one pair of shoes and one handbag"

Ashley-" Dad, shut up please, I like lots of shoes and handbags. I am not you, I dont have ONE pair of shoes and ONE good leather belt and ONE good winter coat, leave me alone"

husband-" Well maybe if you did you would not be skint half the time and spending all your money on bags and shoes"

He sat smugly and smiled at her.

Ashley-" Dad, I dont spend money on that stuff. You do. I dont have any money of my own yet, everything I own you bought or mum gave me cash for it, so shut up and help me squash all these handbags into this case"

He finally shut up. She will never starve to keep a man happy. I am glad.

I packed my one handbag and two pairs of shoes into a case. I can no longer afford to buy that much stuff, because I have a daughter who does!

janey godley
Posted: 14.15 July 26, 2004

AAARGH...Ashley finally woke up and made an attempt to clean her room. I heard her scream loudly and run through the house. Was there a tiger loose in her bedroom? an axe murderer? no a WASP! A FUCKING WASP!

My heart almost stopped when she screamed, my bladder practically gave way, my womb hurt.....it was a wasp.

There crawling over her star shaped cushion was a tired looking, slow crawling wasp. Now I know my husband has told us both to NEVER kill insects or anything (rich coming from the man who secreted guns around the house in the 80's)
He believes was should 'talk' to the insects and 'ask' them to leave.

me-"Please leave Mr Wasp...leave now?"

wasp just slowly buzzed about a bit and then sat stock still on Ashleys floor. Ashley grabbed a folded umbrella and whacked it flat into the carpet...the yellow squashed debris of a dead wasp stuck to the wool pile.

Ashley-"It was ignoring you or it was taking too long to leave, dont tell Dad I killed it, he will talk about insect Karma for an hour and I will want to whack him with a brolly as well"

me-" No worries, i will probably be bitten by an evil chipmunk or pecked by a dove before the day is out."

Ashley-" Good- as long as the always bite and peck you I dont care"

Headache is trying to break free to cause havoc in my head, it is currently fighting with the Anadin Extra....pills are winning, only short stabs are getting me, full blown headache is subsiding.

janey godley
Posted: 23.50 July 26, 2004

Hurrah headache is gone. I love anadin extra.

After all that 80's talk, I decided to clear out my wardrobes. Up inside the top shelves is a bag that contains loads of clothes that remained unpacked since I left the bar in 1995 and moved here. Ashley and I pulled the bag apart to reveal the most gaudy bright clothes I have ever seen in years!

A bright Yellow Ra-Ra skirt with black polka dots, a shiny silver and black jacket with military gold trim and shoulder straps epulets! A fuck off HUGE black elasticated belt with blue jewels and gold trim at the clasp!

My favourite was a green taffeta dress with bright emerald studs all over the breast area, It was fucking hideous. I remember buying that dress and being SO excited about bringing it home to wear it to the pub that night with my green suede high heels. I looked and felt wonderful...in 1987, now it looks like something a scary blind gypsy would dress up in to attend a 'Copa Cabana' reunion night. I looked at photo's of myself at that time and there is a corker. I am in a short fitted red dress, wearing a red pill box hat, with black belt, balck silk gloves and black stilletto's and around my shoulders is a REAL FOX FUR STOLE! It was at a friends wedding, I look like something out of the 1920's society ball...what was I thinking? Ashley thought I looked very glamorous.

Ashley-" Mum you should dress up more, you look nice when you do, get out of combats and boots and go put on a nice frock and some high heels, i will do your make up"

me-" No"

I am so over being glamorous, I like my flat shoes and jeans.

I get more sex dressed like this than I ever did dressed like that, and the jeans are easier to get off, though I wont tell her that.!!!!

janey godley
Posted: 11.29 July 27, 2004

Crazy malevolent dreams are back, I am not sure I can cope with the continuous fear that these dreams instil in my head. I am hoping they fuck off by the time I get to Edinburgh.

Hopefully!

Monica is going to try to come up to Edinburgh for a few days through the fringe. It would be good to see her, I miss my pal. She lives full time in London and I only get to see her when I fly down there.

I don’t have that many friends here in Scotland, I mean close friends that would carry my coffin if I died kinda thing. I have met loads of lovely interesting people through comedy, but Monica is my best pal.

I met loads of lovely people through the pub when I used to do that, but I do realise looking back that they were not all friends, they were customers.

In this business it is hard to have ‘real good mates’ who are also comics, well for me it is, I am sure there are people out there reading this screaming ‘Just you ya freak, my comedy mates are behind me 100%’

Maybe it’s just me?

Monica and I have been mates for over eight years and it’s only recently that she has started to come see comedy. I liked to keep the two separate but now she is a big comedy fan.

She loves comedy and cannot wait to come see some shows in Edinburgh.

Monica called me yesterday to give me the latest gossip, I will share with you.

We have a mutual mate in London called katya, she is 41 and single. Last week after a good night out at a mate’s barbeque she picked up a young hot 24 year old tight bodied energetic Canadian guy.

She took him back to her place and she described the sex as ‘ I thought my heart was going to stop, I nearly had a wee stroke, the sweat was dripping off him and he leapt off me and practically did star jumps in-between vigorous sex sessions, fucking hell, I no longer have that energy, after three HOURS of him pulling my legs and torso all over the bed, I was praying he would sleep, it was like entertaining a small boy who had eaten too many blue smarties!

The next day she ended up in hospital, because he had bruised her urethra (The wee tube ladies pee from) she had a urinary infection due to bruising!

He officially broke her vagina!

Monica and I laughed as we shared the story, but secretly we were thinking… mmmmmm…. a 24 year old who breaks vagina’s…mmm..where is he?

comedyfan100
Posted: 11.36 July 27, 2004

This is great janey...getting more hits than Iraq!

Keep it up.

janey godley
Posted: 17.20 July 27, 2004

Had a funny day, Ashley and I went to a ‘Focus group’ meeting at a local hotel. We were promised £20 each and tea with buns for our trouble, so Ashley was over the moon but less than enthusiastic about joining in with the debate.

It turns out that the talk was about the new charitable status laws that the Scottish Parliament will be implementing soon. As it stands there is no real laws governing charities in Scotland so this group was to high light and bring suggestions from local people.

All good and well, I hear you say.

The discussion started by the official man asking if we felt that charities needed to be regulated and have to apply for a license to operate and that the greater good of the people it strives to serve should come first.

We all agreed that the above statement stood.

Then we all came to the conclusion that any charity that neglected the very people it served to look after or siphoned off funds or was just set up to steal funds should NEVER be granted a licence.

Everyone agreed with that statement and the man wrote it all down.

Then I thought about this and spoke up

“ So what we are saying is, that ANY organisation that cheats the very people it has been set up to serve or abuses the people it is supposed to help or has ANY form of past abuse on record CANNOT get a Scottish charity licence?”

The group agreed with this statement and the man wrote it down.

Then I added “So that means the Catholic Church in Scotland will never be granted charitable status or a charity licence?”

Everyone stopped slurping tea and gaped at me. One woman across the table slammed her pen down and dived into a whole big defence of the Catholic Church she shouted “You cannot say that about the church, it helps many people”

Me-“Yes I agree, but the fact remains that Nuns did punch and abuse children and stole their money, look I am not making this up, I am stating facts here, so they have a history of abuse and if a law will be that past abusers of charitable establishments cannot get a licence then the Catholic Church should not get a licence”

The man wrote all this down.

My daughter Ashley, who was practically asleep up until this point slid across to me a piece of paper ( we were all sitting around a board room table) on the paper was a crude drawing of a Nun with a nail in her head.

I tried to keep a straight face and stood my ground on this point.

The man wrote everything down and thanked me for raising an issue that will be a problem when the eventual laws will be constructed.

The two women across from me and the man sitting to their left growled at me, I could feel their anger on my face as I looked and smiled at Ashley.

She grinned from ear to ear and whispered “ I knew you could get angry Nuns into that conversation”

After the focus group ended, we were given the cash, I smiled and stuck it in my pocket. The woman across from me spoke up as she got up from the table “It’s clear you hate Catholics then”

Me- “ Not at all, I married one and gave birth to one, I hate child abusers, my Uncle abused me and he was in the Orange Lodge, I got him charged and put in prison”

My point was made, maybe somewhere laws are made and unmade because they never fit the criteria of the people it serves to represent.

I think the Church should really be allowed charitable licence and I think half the money it gets should go to compensating the poor people it neglected.

That’s my thoughts.

Ashley snatched the £20 quickly as she needs to go buy hundreds and hundreds of pink glittery, gluey, fake tanny, hair clippie, bright noisy, disco hip hoppy, shiny purpley, pink and orangey alcoholy things with any cash that reaches her hands.

Jimmy Two Lumps
Posted: 22.10 July 27, 2004

Troll

Grant
Posted: 01.50 July 28, 2004

Probably only leaves the SSPCA and the PDSA getting licences.

janey godley
Posted: 10.26 July 28, 2004

How weird is the world?

One minute I was sleeping the next i hear MY OWN VOICE talking about MY marriage, I sat up and looked around the room and suddenly it dawned on me it was the Radio. The show that won the Gold and the Sony's was being repeated on Radio 4 and I contribute to it talking about ....you guessed it MY LIFE!

It was a surreal moment. The show is called Stuck in the Middle a bit like me just now, as Ashley and her father are having one of their "We dont agree on anything" periods.

We came in last night and Ashley was out at her friends, she promised to clean up for me before she left.
Husband started on the standard straight away..

Husband "Look she has left out the hair straighteners on the carpet, the dishes have been washed but not dried"

me-"When did you turn into a scary Mrs Danvers type person, go wear a dress and run around the house stroking a white glove to check for dust, ya weird Bastard"

He was in the hall.
Husband" She has broke the Hoover...look" he pointed at the wee step plate that your foot presses on to to turn it off/on, it was lying beside the Hoover on the carpet " She has broke the hoover" He repeated.

I looked at it and said " No that was me today, it hurt my sore toe as I tried to turn it off, so i kicked it"

I giggled and walked away.

" Her room looks like a bomb site and she never hung up that washing" he tried to find more things she left undone or messy.

me-"Big deal, she is 18 and she will learn to keep house when she needs to, I FUCKING NEVER want to teach her how to KEEP house, so fuck up Mrs Danvers and get over it"

husband stood defiently beside broken Hoover, he was looking around him as if the words he needed to shout back were lying on the carpet.
Only the carpet held nothing but broken bits of Hoover.

"What?" I interupted his train of thought, I know this upsets him as being aspergic he needs to get his words out or my constant interuption makes him falter....so I stood there shouting "What?" over and over until he gave up trying to find the words and walked into the toilet and slammed the door.

I won.

You need to be fast in this house to beat me at the word game and having a mental aspergic problem is a real hinderance...oh well SUCH IS LIFE!

I did tell him later I was sorry, I did hug him and at 5 am I woke up and decided I wanted sex. He hates that as he needs to sleep to get to Uni but likes that at the same time. Now he wont make Uni as he is too tired... the moral of this story is... dont fucking pick on my daughter or annoy me... I will get you one way or another!

Nick P
Posted: 10.31 July 28, 2004

Hmmm, revenge by sex. You couldn’t have a word with my missus could you, Janey?

janey godley
Posted: 22.52 July 28, 2004

The toe is less blue but still fucking sore. I cannot wear shoes. Life is slowly getting there.

Went over to see my niece's two wee kids whom i love. wee Shaun (a regular character on this blog) is now on his school holidays and the wee seven year old is bored to hell.

He is slowly turning into a the child of the Damned!

His mum ( Annmags) is trying hard to cope with wee baby Abi, as well as Shaun. Abi is now walking, its funny to watch.

She has wee fat croissant legs that seem to jut out of her bottom at different random angles and her two wee chubby arms are held aloft for balance as she totters and stomps all around the living room. She goes round and round in circles as the direction part of her walking has not kicked in yet and when she goes to get something from the floor, she always over shoots it and has to stagger and stomp around to go back.

It is funny and she mumbles away in her own wee foreign language and gets REALLY frustrated if I dont understand what she is actually saying. Her big eyes stared at me as she mumbled right into my face. She got bored as I seem to be too stupid to understand, she then sat there lifted up my tee shirt and poked her wee fat finger into my belly button....she is obssesed by belly buttons!

I love being with them, Shaun needs some summer scheme to keep him busy.

Got home and felt all broody again ( i need to stop this baby stuff)

Ashley was sitting cutting up pictures of Mary Kate & Ashley (American twin celebrities that she particularly hates) She morphed their skinny wee bodies into mad whores dressed up in scantily clad underwear. She also is bored and needs to go to Summer play scheme. She made up for being sloppy at chores by washing my really filthy windows that only get washed once every three years.

Time is dragging on and I just want to GET TO EDINBURGH and get started.

Thanks to all who commented on Sunday Herald interview and said nice things about it.

I do appreciate it so much.

martynsadler
Posted: 09.48 July 29, 2004

What Sunday Herald article?

What IS the Sunday Herald?

scott_agnew
Posted: 12.50 July 29, 2004

A top quality leftist broadsheet national newspaper for Scotland.

www.sundayherald.co.uk

Great paper, top website.

Go read.

Janey's in the magazine section

janey godley
Posted: 17.07 July 29, 2004

Bad dreams again, i was back in my childhood home cleaning that fucking bathroom again, WHY? Is there a psychologist out there who can explain why I go back in my dreams to cleaning my mother’s old smelly dirty toilet? What Is that about?

Got up eventually and immediately went for a pee and sat in my toilet. I subconsciously wiped down the tiles with a bit of damp toilet paper as there was a wee bit of dirt on them at eye level.

I realised what I was doing and stopped!

Got the Big Issue as always and this time was excited to see my Fringe Column in it! I am happy!

Got my new wireless network pc card so that i can use my laptop in the Underbelly when i need to use the internet at the Fringe! There is no escaping me!

Grant
Posted: 17.54 July 29, 2004

Quote (martynsadler @ 09.48 July 29, 2004)
What Sunday Herald article? What IS the Sunday Herald?

Go here;

http://www.chortle.co.uk/

Look over to the right. See - Today's Links. Third one down - Sunday Herald: Janey Godley interview.

Hank
Posted: 17.57 July 29, 2004

Quote (janey godley @ 17.07 July 29, 2004)
Bad dreams again,

Too much cheese before bedtime Janey!

janey godley
Posted: 23.12 July 29, 2004

"Moving to Edinburgh Phase one"

Ashley is in her room as we speak, packing to go to Edinburgh, I think I may have to hire 'packhorse's' and 'fit big men' as the flat we have rented is as usual on the TOP FLOOR of a big tall building in Edinburgh!

Last year we stayed on a flat in a tenement on the Grassmarket. It was 98 stairs up! We were fucking exhausted climbing the stairs, to make matters worse across the landing from us was a wee woman aged 95 and she got up and down those stairs EVERY day....we needed a nebuliser and oxygen!

The good side to the flat was - at night I could lie on the big brass bed, open the window and watch the fireworks boom out of the castle into the sky. It was awesome watching the sparkles and colours flare against the dark Scottish sky with the Huge imposing Castle as a backdrop! The castle was right behind our flats and the Tattoo was on every night, you could hear all the pipes and drums!

I am desperate to see my flat for this year; it is the newly opened Fishmarkets Close off the High Street. I rented it through an agency and have no time to view it in advance.
I saw pictures and clips from the web. The building is architecturally wonderful! I cannot wait to get into it. There is en-suite bathroom for the ‘Master’ (mistress I call it) bedroom and Ashley has her own bathroom next to her room. This is bliss for me as I do like to have a toilet to myself, like I do here at home.

But then again, is a good toilet worth swapping the fireworks for?
Will let you know soon enough!

janey godley
Posted: 00.07 July 31, 2004

what a beautiful day! The weather is awesome. I went down to my accountant to get some paper work done and then we drove off up to Inverary. The sun beat down as I played great tunes on my cd player in the car. Inverary is a stunning wee village on the banks of Loch Long, the views are so amazing across the loch.
We walked down the stoney beach and harbour and ate lunch on the terrace of the George hotel.

Got a call from mate Monica in London who who excitedly shouted down the phone that there was a great piece in todays London Evening Standard newspaper it read

EVENING STANDARD THE BEST OF EDINBURGH FRINGE COMEDY.....

"Janey Godley
Take equal pinches of Billy Connolly and Jerry Sadowitz and you are getting some way towards the story telling genius of Godley and her candid tales of drugs, sex and death. As harrowing as it is hilarious."

I am over the moon with that!

Can u believe that someone likened me to Connolly and Sadowitz?

The sun shone today for me in more ways than one